We Can Never Go Back!
by Alice Vampire
Summary: What if Edward didn't come back? What if Bella went off to university? What would happen when the Cullen's resurfaced after two years? Would Bella forgive and forget? Rated M - The sequel is called "Twist of Fate"
1. SHE HAD JUST BEEN A TOY

**SHE HAD JUST BEEN A TOY.**

**I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OF TWILIGHT. I AM JUST BORROWING THEM.**

**ENJOY AND REVIEW. YOUR REVIEWS WILL DETERMINE HOW THE STORY GOES.**

_You are my life now. _

Bella woke up screaming. She was curled up in a ball with her blankets tucked around her. Her vision had been so clear. His eyes, his smell, his face. She laid on her bed and cried uncontrollably. Why did he leave? Why couldn't she be good enough? Why did she even continue to believe in the impossible? He would never want her. He never did. She had just been a toy to play with. She had been his amusement for a second in time, as far as HIS life went. He wouldn't ever understand what he had done to her. How he had changed her. How he had set in motion a chain of events that changed her life forever. He didn't care about her so she'd decided not to care either.

Bella decided sleep was no longer an option for her. Thanks once again to him. Her beauty sleep was ruined. When would the nightmare's finally stop? It had been two years. Two years of torture. Two years of wondering how she could have been better for him. Two years of wondering what she could have done differently to make him stay. Two years of shutting the world out of her heart.

Bella walked out of her dorm room and down the hall. She turned the corner into the girl's washroom. She set the towel on the counter and opened her bathroom bag. She'd never liked the idea of sharing a bathroom with anyone at home but a university dorm was torture. She stepped into the cubicle and undressed. She turned on the shower. Hot water was a beautiful thing to help hide the pain. Well, the physical pain at least. Bella looked done at the crescent shaped scar on her wrist. It ached once in a while. She had never been able to find out why. How could she? They had left her without the answers. She dipped her head under the water and let it run down her body and sobbed. The emotional pain came in waves. Some days she wouldn't feel it but others like today were impossible to handle.

A short time later, she stepped out of the shower and wrapped the oversize towel around her. She brushed her teeth and scooped up her bag and raced back to her room. Once she was in her room she walked over to her stereo. She hit play and as the music started to play she sank to the floor and let herself float with the music.

_Cover my eyes  
Cover my ears  
Tell me these words are a lie  
It cant be true  
That I'm losing you  
The sun cannot fall from the sky  
_

She curled up in a ball, wrapping her arms around her legs and let her emotions take over. She cried with pain. She could feel the ache in her chest getting stronger. He had been her life. He had been the only one she had let get into her, her soul and her heart. He had killed her so much more than he would have had he just bitten her and drained her 'heroin' from her body.

Once Bella could no longer handle the pain it was time to kill it. She needed to be in control. She had her final two exams of the year and she couldn't let _him _distract her today. She stood up onto her shaky legs and walked to her bed. Reaching under and inside a small hidden compartment in the frame of the wooden bed she pulled out a small box. Sitting on the floor beside the bed she slowly opened it. The one thing that had helped her through the pain.

The psychiatrist had prescribed them at her father's request. Little did anyone know at the time that these tiny little pills would become the only way to give her her life back. The doctor had realized too late that Bella was taking them too often. Taking them to kill the pain and make her constantly numb. He had cut her off, telling her that they were too dangerous for her. What a joke! Bella had spent six months after that trying to find something else to kill the pain. Some drugs that were impossible to find in the tiny town of Forks. She had traveled to Seattle to find them and had nearly lost her life there.

She had met a shady drug dealer who ended up jacking her up with very potent drugs and then proceeded to rob her. She had gone back to Forks and approached some of the lower standing kids at school. They had offered her some of the lower level drugs but after the situation in Seattle Bella decided just to have her lifeline. She needed the one thing that numbed her enough to fool everyone into thinking she was getting better.

Now over a year later Bella didn't want to live without them. She wasn't sure if she could or couldn't live without them but it didn't matter. All that mattered was the pain would disappear long enough to allow her to get through the day. She wouldn't have to feel the hole in her chest ache. She threw two of the little ivory pills in her mouth and swallowed them down. She knew it would be a while before they kicked in so she hit a button on her stereo.

She had moved away from classical music after he left. She couldn't handle the reminders of him. She listened to sad sappy love songs. Love songs about broken hearts. It should have been the last thing for her to want to listen to but in a strange way it made her believe she wasn't the only girl to have her heart ripped from her chest and stomped into a million pieces.

_Stop every clock  
Stars are in shock  
The river will flow to the sea  
I wont let you fly  
I wont say goodbye  
I wont let you slip away from me _

Bella had decided a long time ago she wasn't going to let him totally disappear. She fed off the pain now. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it wouldn't allow her to move on. But who else cared? There was no one in the world for her. He had been her heart and soul. He understood her better than anyone. He had taken her love away with him even though he had found her to be a joke. She would move through life feeding off the pain, being stronger instead of weaker. She would never let anyone get close again. Bella was afraid if she did that the pain would disappear and she wouldn't have her constant drug.

Now there was the joke. She couldn't live with the pain and took drugs to kill it. She also wanted the pain because it fed her, pushed her through life. She wanted both and neither at the same time. Would the battle ever be decided as to who the winner would be?

Bella shook her head and looked around the room. Her eyes fell on the clock and she scrambled for her dresser. Damn, she was going to be late. If the doors closed before she got there she would fail the class. No exam meant another semester of sharing a bathroom with a dozen or so girls.

She hastily put on her makeup and her clothes. Black. That was all she wore now. Black makeup and black clothes just like her heart. Black and dead.

She took one look in the mirror and raced out the door. She ran down the hall praying for a miracle that she wouldn't trip over the girls sitting in her way. She hit the stairs at full speed and jumped. Planting both feet on the landing between floors, she swung herself around the corner and took a long stride preparing herself for the next flight of stairs. She landed at the bottom with prefect precision.

"Miss. Swan. What have I told you about running inside the dorm?" a voice boomed from the room next to the stairs.

Shit. "Sorry, Jennifer. But I am going to be late." The dorm mother was only a few years older than Bella but she acted like she was a fifty-some year old grandmother. Jennifer was a happy woman but a really stick in the mud. No boys, curfew, no drugs, no running in the halls, etc. Sometimes she was a wonderful person to have around and sometimes she was a royal pain in the ass.

Bella flew out the door and across the grounds of the university ignoring everyone along the way. She was so caught up in her present course of getting to the building across the property that she didn't see the little figure sitting in the yellow Porsche.

**The words to the song come from Ryandan. The song is called Tears of an Angel. I think the song fits perfectly for Edward leaving Bella. You will find some of their lyrics put through this story and the name of the song the lyrics came from at the end of the chapter. **


	2. TO KILL THE PAIN

**TO KILL THE PAIN**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**Thank you for the reviews and the favorite lists. I will try to update as quickly as possible.**

Bella crashed on her bed. Today was one of those days she should have only taken one pill or maybe she should have taken two pink pills instead. At least that way she wouldn't have been fighting to stay awake during the last exam. Whatever. The year was over and now she had a dull nothing summer to where she would have to pretend to be a happy normal person.

The only thing about Forks that she now enjoyed was the weather. The gloomy dark skies reflected the feeling in her heart or at least the place where it has once been. She knew when she got back there the first place she would go was to the meadow.

The meadow brought the pain but that pain was a need she longed for. She had the pain constantly but in that meadow it seemed so more real. Someday when she was ready to leave this world she wanted that meadow to be her deathbed. Her heart was dead there. It only made sense to have her body die there too.

Bella closed her eyes and soon fell asleep.

_He was gone......The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly....There were no footprints, the leaves were still again........love, life, meaning.....over......the waves of pain that had only lapped.....before now reared high up and washed over......pulling....under...... **_

Bella woke once again curled up in a ball. The sweat was pouring down her face. She stood up and walked towards the mirror. Looking at herself, she found her makeup was running. She pulled out some Kleenex and wiped it away as well as she could before grabbing her makeup kit and headed towards the bathroom.

As she washed her face clean of the ruined makeup she wondered why suddenly the past was creeping up in her dreams so often. These nightmares had stopped or at least slowed down in the last six months. Why now would she be having two in one day? It made no sense. Life had a strange way of playing its cruel jokes. Some days she prayed for the constant pain and some she wished the pain would just die.

Pain made her feel alive and dead at the same time but not now. Now she just felt numb. No, not numb. Angry. Why would she be feeling anger? Was she angry at the pain? At _him_? At life for being so unfair to her?

Bella shook her head and finished applying the makeup and walked back to her room.

"Bella, are you still going tonight?"

Bella turned to see a plump blond standing in her doorway. Bella wondered for a second what Amanda was talking about and then reality hit. Damn, the concert.

"Hey, I think so. I forgot about it. What time does it start?"

The slightly taller girl tilted her body inside the room hanging from the doorway with her arm. "It starts at seven. Are you okay? You don't look normal. Well, at least what normal is for you."

"I'm fine. Just exam jitters." Bella lied. She had become a pro at lying to people. How could she not? Her father, the psychiatrist, her so-called friends from high school. She had to continually lie to them and tell them everything was better. She was moving on with her life. What a bullshit lie but everyone had believed her. She had to be a superhero to them all. Hiding her secret identity. Her secret pain. If any of them knew they would commit her.

"Well, the exams are over. No more jitters till next year. How do you think you did on the Chem exam. I have a feeling my father's going to kill me. It was harder than I thought it would be." Amanda hung her head. As much of a nerd as she was, Amanda still had a rough time with some subjects.

"Not sure. That was a hard exam." Another lie. Bella didn't have the heart to tell the emotional wreck that the exam had been the easiest of all her exams this year.

"At least I know it wasn't just me." Amanda said convinced. "Anyways, get ready. It is a first come first serve concert and I want the best seats in the house. I just can't believe the university allowed these guys back. After what happened a few years ago it's a bloody miracle."

The grunge band coming to the end of the year bash was a miracle. A few years earlier had been a nightmare for the university. Some of the students had started a riot, burned down some of the gardens and the drugs. Someone had managed to get those date-rape pills into the drinks. Between the police and the ambulances the university had been threatened by a lot of law suits from the parents. She, of course, hadn't been there at the time but it had been all over the news.

The university agreed to the band coming back but with conditions. The concert couldn't be held on the property, security would be very strict and the tickets were a hundred bucks a piece with the band only seeing a small percentage if and only if there were no problems.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be." Bella said as she snapped back to the present. She looked in the mirror and decided that her comment was the truth. Her skin-tight black t-shirt, dark tight jeans, black hair pulled back in a ponytail, and the dark makeup was all she needed. Her skin looked so pale in comparison. That, of course, was the point. Make the pain more real even when she didn't feel it. "Just give me one minute, okay?"

"Okay, I just have to grab my coat and I'll be ready." Amanda stated and headed down the hall.

Bella snuck over to the door and checked both ways before closing the door. She only had one reason for going tonight. She needed to refresh her supply for the summer. Forks being what it was didn't have a great variety of drugs. She knew this concert would be her last chance to get what she needed before heading home.

She went to her little stash and pulled out the box. Opening it she took out one of the three bottles. She decided she needed to be in control tonight and took two of the weakest strength nerve pills she owned and slapped them into her mouth. As a last second thought, she grabbed two more and put them in a small gram baggy.

The knock on the door made her jump. She quickly hid the box back in its place and while walking to the door she tucked the baggy into her bra. As she opened the door she grabbed her black leather jacket off the back of the door and smiled at Amanda.

Tonight was going to be fun. For one night she was going to live. Live for the pain or not. She wasn't going to care either way by the time the sun rose in the morning.

The concert grounds looked like a war zone. There were guards, fences and spotlights everywhere. No one was taking chances on this concert turning into the last one. Bella flashed her ticket to the man sitting at the entrance. He took the ticket and scanned it. They had gone all out with the tickets. The bar codes should pick up the fakes. He scanned hers and then looked at her telling her the stamp on her hand would let her into the beer tent but no back in the grounds if she left the concert. She knew this meant if the cops removed her, she wasn't getting back in.

She continued down the line and through a metal detector. Had to check for weapons. Like she would want them or be stupid enough to bring them.

Next, the pat down. The cops didn't want the drugs getting in. Silently she hoped her little stash in her bra would go undetected. It did. Cops were stupid. If the drug dealers wanted the drugs in they would be in no matter what the cost.

Bella headed to the front of the stage with Amanda. She was already hooting and hollering, trying to be heard over the crowd. She turned and smiled wide at Bella. She was an interesting friend. She was Bella's only friend. No one understood Bella like her. She accepted the fact that Bella was a complicated person. She was a closed shell who played nice for people just so she could be the fucked up person she was without the questions. Amanda understood that and, therefore, never asked questions about why Bella was such a dark person or how she had become this person.

"Amanda. I am going to the beer tent for a few. You coming?"

"Nah, I want to make sure I have good seats for us. This is going to be awesome."

Bella giggled for the first time in a while. "You are a freak. Did you know that?" Amanda nodded her head in acknowledgement. "I will be back in a bit."

Bella pushed her way through the crowd. The concert didn't even start for another hour and the place was packed. She wondered how many more people the fire marshal would let in before it was too many. She finally reached the beer tent and looked around. She knew what she was looking for. Well it was more a who than a what. The who would have the what. If she didn't find him soon enough he wouldn't have the what she wanted.

Spotting the who, she ducked around a half drunk, half dressed girl and made her way to a seat beside him. "Hey, Aaron. What's new?"

Aaron was a senior at the university whose father owned a pharmacy. He and Bella had become good friends in her freshman year. Friends for the drugs only. Aaron didn't consider his customers friends in any other way. "Izzy, what's up girl? Haven't seen you in a while. Been doing okay?"

"Yea, just hanging and studying. You know how that is?" Okay, now for the buy. "So how is your mother? She still sleeping good these days?" Aaron knew Bella's choice habit so he knew what the word 'sleeping' meant.

"Yea, she's been doing well. Only being waking about two times a night." Two, the amount for each pill.

"Good, maybe I can get over to see her sometime. How does next week sound?" Next week, that meant all of them.

"That will work. Come on, you haven't even given your ol' friend a hug." Here comes the exchange. Down the back of the pants. Bella never had to worry about Aaron ripping her off.

"Listen, got to go but here take this and buy yourself a drink." The money exchange.

"Thanks. Give me one more hug. Won't be seeing you till the fall." Okay, he never hugged twice. What was he up to?

Whispering in Bella's ear he said, "I put a little something extra in there for you. Enjoy the night and relax for once."

Bella pulled away and smiled shyly at Aaron. He did like Bella more than just as a customer. He had tried to hook up with her a year ago but after realizing it wasn't meant to happen he had treated her with a little extra attention. At least as a customer. Bella ran her hand over his stubbled cheek. "Thanks."

That was all there was to it. She headed back to the front of the stage, knowing Amanda would be wondering where she got to. She pushed her way through the people. She didn't appreciate the closeness of the bodies but knew whatever Aaron had given her would cure that soon enough.

She came to a very small opening and quickly found herself on the ground. Damn idiots. Why did everyone have to push so much? She put her hand into the back of her pants and felt for the baggy. Finding it, she took it and put it in her bra with the other one. Too much money to lose because of some drunk people.

She sat down beside Amanda. Amanda looked at her knowingly. Amanda was the only one other than Aaron that knew about Bella's little habit. Amanda didn't approve but understood enough to not criticize Bella's choices or bring it up in any conversation. That was one of the reasons Bella got along with her. Bella knew Amanda would never cover for her not that Bella would want her to. Bella just wanted someone to be there when things got worse than what the pills would cure. It had happened once, Bella had felt very weak and was going to try something harder to kill the pain. Amanda wouldn't allow it. She had sat holding Bella till the pain had died enough that Bella could function again.

The announcer came up on stage and the crowd reacted with a deafening roar. Bella listened to him tell everyone that there were three bands that evening. One was a local band from the university. One of the boys was in her English class. Funny he didn't seem the type for grunge music. The second band was a new upcoming group who had a hit on the radio. And the third was the troublemakers from a few years earlier.

It was going to be a few minutes for the local group to set up so Bella excused herself and headed for the bathrooms. She knew she wouldn't be able to pull the baggies out with this crowd. Any one of them could be a narc. Hell, the last thing she needed was her father, chief of police, getting that kind of call.

She found herself in a line up for the bathrooms. She was glad she would only need to do this once tonight. Privacy long enough to see what the present was and make sure she had enough within reach to keep her feeling good.

She waited for what seemed to be forever before a stall opened up. She went in and double checked the lock before pulling out the baggies. All her stuff was there. She quickly popped her original pills in her mouth and felt them slide down her throat. Then she pulled out the tiny piece of paper inside the new baggy. Carefully unfolding it she found two hits of acid. They had a small shamrock on them. She had no idea what kind they were but shrugged her shoulders and threw them under her tongue. This was not a normal choice for her but it was a special night.

She found herself back with Amanda within minutes. It was, however, part way through the set for the local band. She gave Amanda an apologetic look. "Large line!" she screamed and realized Amanda could barely here her. Why so close to the speakers.

Bella found herself enjoying the music. It wasn't her type of music but the acid had kicked in. She started to see little leprechauns dancing around the stage. It was a funny sight to see. They were doing back flips and handstands. Bella found herself in a happy place for the first time in a long time.

She wasn't numb. She wasn't trying to mask the pain. She was pain free without a care in the world. She was having fun and that was all that mattered. The night continued with no issues or problems.

As the concert finished, Amanda looked at Bella and grinned. "See it is possible for you to have fun."

Bella let out a belly laugh. "Life is like a box of chocolates. Mmmmm, chocolates. That sounds good right now."

"Bella, what's wrong with you? What did you do? Actually, what did you take?" Amanda said with concern.

"Nothing I can't handle. I just wanna have fun tonight. Come on, we're going to the bar." Bella said with a grin.

"No, I think I need to take you home."

"Come on, Amanda. I am fine. Okay, if I am honest and tell you what I took will you go to the bar with me?"

"Depends on what you took!"

"Acid." Bella said beaming.

"What??? No wonder you are so happy? Is that all you took?"

"Just my usual stuff. Now will you go to the bar with me?"

"Fine. But for the record, Bella, I'm your friend and you have to honest with me from now on. Okay?" Amanda said firmly.

"Okay, sorry. Come on, before some of these cows trample us." Bella shouted. It wasn't like anyone could hear her anyways. The noise around the two girls was ear shattering.

They made their way to the bar just near campus and had a few drinks. Amanda was getting tired and begged Bella to come home with her. Bella refused but promised to call her immediately if she decided to go anywhere besides home. Amanda was like Bella's mother hen watching out for the chicks.

About an hour after Amanda had headed home, Bella decided to call it a night. She stepped out of the bar and headed across the empty field that stood between her and home. She could feel the wind blowing around her. It wasn't a gentle wind. It felt as if a storm was coming and it cleared her fuzzy head a little. Bella wondered if it was a storm and if it would stop her flight tomorrow. It didn't matter she could always rebook.

Bella had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn't realized there was someone walking behind her. She could hear them now tracing a path through the grass. She felt something wasn't quite right. She hurried her step a little and could hear the pace quicken behind her. She was definitely starting to feel uncomfortable. She kicked it up into a run and suddenly felt herself being pushed from behind.

Landing on the hard ground, she rolled over. Looking up she saw it was two people not just one. They were both large guys and from the swaggering they were doing, they were drunk.

"Hey there cutie. Can we party with you? Saw you at the concert and you seemed to be having a fun time." One of the two asked with a slur.

"Sorry, done partying for the night. Just heading home." Bella stated with an even voice. She pushed herself up. Suddenly, she was back on the ground with a weight pressing on her chest.

"Sorry but you seem like our type of party girl. We want to have fun." The second guy sneered as he pushed his boot harder into her chest. "Seen you on campus and always wondered what you looked like under those skinny jeans of yours. Now it is time to find out."

Bella's high was definitely gone now. She was terrified. She needed a way out or at least a miracle of someone coming through the field and putting a stop to the madness. The first guy came down onto her legs and began to undo her pants. The second removed his boot and replaced it with his knee, putting his hand over her mouth and the other grabbing one of her wrists.

Bella tried to scream as she realized what was about to happen to her but it was muffled by the big hand. She, suddenly, felt the hand jerk away from her face and the weight lifted off her chest. She sucked in a large clump of air and pulled herself up. In the dark she could see the men being throw across the field by two other shapes. She couldn't quite make out what the two drunks were saying but she wasn't about to stick around to find out.

She got to her feet and ran as fast as she could. Coming to the end of the field she stopped dead in her tracks and felt her worst nightmare come true. She prayed that this was all a nightmare and all she had to do was force herself to wake up. Why would this have to happen now? She was straight as an arrow. The drugs in her system had been pushed down by the adrenaline and she was suffering with this sight with the full force of her emotions.

Bella took a deep breath and started walking. She wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of the two people standing in her way. Why should she? They abandoned her a long time ago. She walked right by them without even turning her head.

"Bella?" a musical female voice asked.

"Screw you. Go away. I didn't ask for your help and it was unneeded."

"Bella, please." the other shape musically pleaded.

Bella turned on her heel. "No, I don't want to hear it from either of you. Don't you get it? I don't want you anywhere near me. I don't want to see or speak to any of you. Go to hell, Jasper. And you, Miss Pixie. You're the worst. You were suppose to be my friend. My best friend. All I have to say to you is 'I hate you'."

And with that Bella ran straight to her dorm. Slamming her door shut she pulled out her baggy and popped four of the strongest of the pills in her mouth and shrank into a ball and cried openly.

**Please R & R. What do you think?**

****taken from chapter 3 "New Moon"**


	3. ETERNITY IN HELL

**ETERNITY IN HELL**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**Sorry for the short chapter. That's what happening when you want a dream scene to be affective. Damn, did I just give away the chapter. Oh well, enjoy anyways. I will try to update as quickly as possible.**

_Bella looked around not that she was capable of seeing much anyways. Wherever she was it was dark. So terribly dark. She sunk to her knees. She felt around trying to getting a feel for where she was. The ground felt moist. She could feel the blades of grass running through her fingers. Her eyes began to focus and she looked up and saw stars. There was no moon but millions of twinkling shining stars. She gazed around and could make out the tree tops. She was in a forest. No, she was at the edge of a clearing. _

_She listened. She could hear water flowing. It wasn't just flowing. It was running over something. Bella figured it must be a creek or a small river and the water was washing over the rocks. She stood back up and slowly inched her way forward. She tested the ground every time she put a foot forward. Every step was the same as the last. Solid ground. Grassy cushioning. _

_It never got easier to see. The tree tops were still there. She could still hear the water. She knew this place. She had been here so many times in her dreams. This was the place of her death. She knew someday she would die here. Her death always changed but the place didn't. Sometimes her death was quick. A meteor hitting the Earth killing her instantly. Sometimes she was bitten by a snake and suffered in pain for a long time. No matter how the death came, the meadow never changed. And it was always dark like her heart._

_She was never scared here. She never encountered anyone here. She had never spoken a single word here. There was no need. There was no one who would ever hear her suffering of the slow painful deaths. There was no one who would help her find her way out of the field and save her from her impending doom. There was only one way these dreams ever ended. Death was waiting, silently begging her to challenge. _

_The first couple of times she would fight, never making a sound. As she came to realize what this place was and what it meant in her dreams, she stopped fighting. She accepted the deaths as they came. She refused to run from them anymore. She wanted the pain to be over. _

_This was the only place both awake and asleep that Bella could honestly admit that the pain was too much to bear. She wanted it to all go away. Her past, her present, her future. Them, her, the drugs. All of it. Here she could admit that she was masking the pain with the drugs. The drugs were beginning to control her life. She was spiraling out of control. _

_She found her way to the middle of the meadow and sat down on the ground. She would wait. Wait for death. It would come from all around her and from nowhere at all. It seemed to radiate from within her. She continued to wait._

_Where was death? Was it playing with her? Was it toying with her in a new way? In this dream it never took this long to come. Was she already dead in the real world? Was this to be here personal hell after death? Had she overdosed? She didn't care. _

_The pain was here and if she was really dead it would be a hell she couldn't change. She would have to accept the irony of hell. In life she was in constant emotional pain. In death she would continue to suffer. How wonderful. Eternity in hell. Eternity in pain. Eternity in darkness. Eternity in the one place the pain only bubbles so violently to the surface._

_She laid back on the grass and felt a flower beside her head. Funny. She could see the beauty of the place even in the dark. The stars gazing down on her. Up there she would be free. The flowers and their brilliant colors were strong in their smell. The flowing water constantly in her ears silently calling her name but gave no relief to the constant thirst._

_She continued to wait. She must be dead. She had never been able to spend so much time here. She had always woken up, screaming, crying, clutching her blankets for security. This was hell and she would have to accept it. She was dead and she would have to accept it. She would never be free of the pain and she accepted it as she had a long time ago. _

_She would never again have to burden anyone with her pain. Burden them with her sorrow and anger. She would never have to lie. She would never have to speak. Their suffering was over. She was dead. Her suffering would continue forever._

_A breeze. There has never been a breeze. Her death meadow had always been hot never soothing. Hell had a sense of humor. Giving her once piece of relief. Bella sat up and welcomed the breeze. _

_As she did so, she felt a terrible weight on her chest. She looked up and found herself being held down by two hidden shadows. She could smell the booze. She could feel the need they had. The power they wanted over her. She opened her mouth and could feel the air rushing into her lungs. She pushed the air out as hard as she could._

Bella woke up with a blood curdling scream. She feel back and into the arms of safety.

**Told you it was short. Cruel aren't I? Who do you think is in the bed with her?**


	4. THE BELLA YOU KNEW

**THE BELLA YOU KNEW**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

Bella sank into the safety of the arms and welcomed the cold. She felt the love emanating around her and lost herself in it. For a moment she was taken back. Back to a time where her world was perfect. A time where she had a family that cared and loved her. She had felt in control of herself, her life, her emotions during that time. But as quickly as the moment was there it was gone.

Bella struggled. She fought the feelings. She twisted within the arms which released their hold. Nervous and frightened, Bella leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them into her chest. She didn't want to look. If she did reality would rear its ugly head. The pain would be new and fresh once again. She couldn't and wouldn't allow it. She was no longer strong enough to have the pain start again. She was no longer able to start over. She had come too far and fallen too fast for that.

As she breathed she was found herself again reminiscing about the past. The intoxicating smell was different from her memories. It was sharp like razor blades but soothing at the same time. She didn't want these memories. She didn't want the reminders to become vivid again.

She slowly moved off the bed, refusing to turn and face the intruder. She spoke few words, praying that he would leave if asked. "Please, go away."

Another memory flooded her senses. The music in the voice brought another painful stab. "I can't do that, Bella. You are not safe. Not to yourself."

Bella took in a deep breath and turned to face a man she didn't and couldn't come to believe was here. Why would he be here? Who would have told him of her condition? Alice. The answer was so simple.

"Carlisle, I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I need you to leave. I want you to leave. Now!" she pleaded with the beautiful creature who sat on the edge of her bed.

"Bella, you have been doing harm to yourself. This has to stop. You truly scared Alice. She felt she had no choice but to call me."

"Why does she even care? Why do you? You left. You all did. You let him leave me in the woods that day. I won't forgive any of you for that. I won't let myself forgive any of you. I refuse to budge on this, Carlisle. I want you to leave. I don't want this. It will be harder than before if you don't leave now. Please, don't hurt me again. Don't force me to relive the pain."

"But you are living with the pain, Bella. I can sense it. I can hear it. I can see it. Let me help."

"Help. You want to help. Two years I have worked on the pain. It lives all around me. I breathe it. I taste it. It lives in me. Right where my heart should be. It feeds me. The dullness. Don't force the pain back to the surface. Let it be my guide. Let the pain do its work. Leave me to live the life I chose. The life he forced on me. Just go."

"Bella, please. The whole family is worried. Ed--"

If vampires could be killed be looks alone, Carlisle would have been ripped to shreds and thrown into the flames of hell itself. "Don't speak his name to me. If I had the capabilities to kill him I would have hunted him down and done it already. Don't even think there is anything you can say or do that will change my mind about him. The only person I hate more in this world than Alice is _him_. The only thing I have to be thankful to him for is the pain he inflicted on me. That is the pain I live for everyday. I use it to know I am still alive."

"If you feed so much off the pain, why then are you killing yourself with these drugs?"

"That is by my choice and my reasons to know. I have come to a crossroads with myself as to the reasons I'm doing what I'm doing. You and the rest of 'your' family no longer have the right to know or say anything about me. Go back and tell them anything you want but I have only one message I want them to hear from me. I don't care anymore about them and I don't want them in my life. I hate you all." Bella hissed and walked determinedly towards the door.

In a fraction of a second her path was blocked. "He's dying, Bella."

With the amount of drugs still circling her system Bella was numb to the words. "The Bella you knew died two years ago, Carlisle. So why shouldn't he? I'm not your Bella anymore and this Bella doesn't care."

"Bella, please. I am asking you as a father to a daughter, help him."

"No. I can't and I won't. Whatever the problem is with him is not my concern anymore. I don't want to go back to that person. She was weak. She was fragile. She know longer exists to help."

"I will not beg you, Bella. I'll only ask you one thing. Think hard about this. The only person who can save my son is you. If you won't save his existence for him or for yourself then do it for Esme. She loves you like you were her own daughter. Save him and we will never ask anything of you again if you so desire it. If you want to continue to kill yourself with these drugs no one in the family will stop you. I am asking you to at least consider helping."

Bella looked into Carlisle's face. His eyes were black and the worry was very prominent in his face. He was truly concerned. But for who? Him? The one who tore her heart out from her chest? Or for her? The one who lived with the constant pain of knowing she would never belong? Or for Esme? The one whose cold dead heart would break if her son died?

She hung her head, ashamed at the fact she was about to cause herself a fresh wound in her soul. "I will consider helping. But I will not promise you anything."

"That is all I can ask of you. We will be at the old house if you decide to help. I give you my word that no one will hound you or beg you. When you have decided we will be there waiting." And with that, Carlisle vanished.

Bella walked over to her stereo and hit the play button. She drowned herself in the music, playing the same song of sorrow and heartache over and over again.

no damage you can do now I'm immune to you now  
you cant break what broke apart  
there's nothing you can do to me no more  
you can't break a broken heart  
hurt me beforEnow wont hurt no more

now not this time

you might do better messing with someone else's mind

cause you're not gonna break me down again  
your done and through with me

the way you did  
Its gone to far  
you can't break a broken heart

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Carlisle had been true to his word. Bella had arrived in Forks two weeks earlier and there had been no sightings. No whispers. No smells. No movements from the corner of her eye. She had not even received a call or note from any of them.

Charlie had noticed something was different about Bella. Being a small town chief, he had not had a lot of encountered with drugs so he assumed that is was Bella's release after final exams. Thankfully Charlie being Charlie didn't linger. Bella had had the time to figure out what she wanted to do.

She sat in the yard of her home on a unusually sunny day. She thought about the past and on a day like this one she had been lead to a beautiful meadow and shown a glorious sight. She'd truly fallen in love that day. But those days were gone. They would never grace her life ever again.

The pain had come back with vengeance. Ever since the night of the concert, Bella found herself waking up in cold sweats. She constantly felt like someone had taken a dead lifeless heart, thrown it into her chest and then ripped through her skin and had torn it back out. All the time laughing at her. Reminding her that no matter what happened she'd never been and never would be good enough, pretty enough or just enough for the likes of their family.

Things had changed that night. It was no longer just the pain about losing him but about losing her best friend, her adoptive mother, her laughable brother, her loving father, her sister and her closed brother. Every time she closed her eyes she saw them standing there beckoning her to them. When she would take that first step they would laugh, pointing at her, making remarks about how stupid she had been. How she should have never trusted them. She was nothing but that toy in the store window the child just has to have and after the mother relents and buys it, the child doesn't want it anymore. A week of playing with the toy, it just becomes boring and thrown into a pile with the rest of the unwanted toys.

Bella thought a profound image. Her body, her heart, her soul lying on the top of a large pile of others. Other bodies, hearts, souls of other girls the family had used for amusement and lost interest in. Was that fun for them? Was that their way to feed their human hunger? For the humans dying would be just so much better. That pain would be quick and ending but this pain was lingering and continually washed in waves over and over.

Suddenly, something snapped. Bella was angry. Not the angry she had been for the last two years. The pain no longer fed her. It no longer sustained her. It no longer gave her the need to feel nothing. The pain was stabbing her. Fueling her. It was raw. It was hurting her. The pain made her angry.

Bella stood from her small area of solitude and realized she could gain strength from the pain. She had her chance to fight. The chance to make them feel the pain she felt. She would be able to rip the dead hearts from their chests, make them feel the pain and suffering they had inflicted on her. She would make sure they would never use and abuse the hearts of any more toys.

She ran quickly into the house. She wrote a short note to Charlie. 'Gone to see some people. Be back soon. Bells.' She raced up to her room. She opened the small hidden compartment in the floor. She pulled out two boxes. She set one on the ground beside her and opened the other. Pulling out a couple of bottles, she mentally decided that the medium strength pills would work for her today. They would give her the added strength she wanted and needed to finish this. She put that box back in the floor and returned the board in its place. She toss the other one in her backpack and ran back down the stairs. Grabbing her truck keys she raced back out the door.

The drive to the house was quicker than she thought possible. The truck had never been this sturdy or menacing. It was as if the truck knew she was angry and wanting to see the pain inflicted on them as badly as she did. The truck roared to a stop in front of the house.

The house had not changed. It still had that welcoming feel to it. It felt warm and safe. That was all a facade. This house was full of pain and torture, death and heartache. This would be the last of them. She would walk away after this and begin her healing. She wouldn't allow them to continue to laugh knowing they had been able to continue to hurt her for the last two years. She would leave them in the past starting today.

She hopped out of the truck and slammed the door closed. She wanted to announce her arrival. She knew it wasn't necessary. They would have heard her from the main road. Alice would have seen her coming. She was glad Alice saw her coming. Maybe the backstabbing harlot had ran from the house in fear.

She was nothing to Bella anymore and wanted the chance to tell her so. But if she ran away that would be far more a pleasure for Bella. Bella would be satisfied in the knowledge that Alice was worthless and didn't have the shoulders to handle the burden that Bella would unleash on her. Would she warn the others and have them all run? No, the coward wouldn't be that loving to her family.

Bella steadied herself before taking the first step. As she continued to walk she felt a new purpose. She felt a new pain. She would use this pain to hurt those who hurt her. She would make her pain end and theirs become everlasting. She walked up to the house and breathed in deeply. Another sharp pain.

She paused at the door and wondered briefly if she should knock. She shook her head. They didn't even deserve that respect. They were not worth any respect. They deserved wraith, hatred, angry. For her, for the others they hurt, for everyone. For their existence.

She placed her hand on the door and turned the handle. Suddenly, the door swung open and in front of her was the most beautiful creature that had ever existed. No, not a creature, a monster.

**The song is by Kate Voegele.....You Can't Break a Broken Heart....a very sad song but a beautiful one. R&R...I'll update soon I promise.**


	5. ROSALIE AND ESME

**ROSALIE AND ESME**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

Bella stared into the eyes of the beautiful monster. She was still as breathtaking as Bella's memories. The perfect blond hair falling in cascades off her shoulders and down her back. Her clothing curved her model-like body showing off every inch of perfection Bella had once admired. Now it only made her sick.

Bella looked again at the woman's eyes. They were still the same piercing gold that distinguished their kind from all others. They somehow different. They were darker. Haunting. She had a thick circle of black surrounding the gold that somehow matched perfectly with the black shading under her eyes. If it wasn't fact that they never slept, Bella would swear she was in need of a could night's sleep. This in itself made Bella sick. Even looking like Bella on her best of days, which was awful, Rosalie still was magnificent.

Bella took a deep breath and stepped forward. Rosalie didn't move. Did this woman, this monster, really want to have this discussion now? Would she even have anything to say to Bella? It was no secret that Rosalie had never approved of Bella. She considered the relationship to dangerous. Even having Bella around had resulted in being hunted by a tracker. That alone had put the family in danger.

"What do you want? Do you want me stand out here or just leave? Remember, bitch, I was invited. Oh right, that is the other way around and myth." Bella stated with a steady voice.

Rosalie's face twitched a little. Was that confusion, hate or just surprise? She must have sensed the changes in Bella and realized a steady heartbeat meant Bella was not the naïve, scared girl she was two years ago. She moved to the side and allowed Bella entrance.

Bella stepped past her without even so much as a glance until Bella heard the hiss. Turning on her heel, Bella glared at Rosalie. "I guess you want a private conversation instead of the whole family reunion I had planned. Fine, I'm game."

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. Quietly she said, "You stink, Bella. I can smell the vile stench of death. What have you done to yourself? Why would you purposely try to kill yourself?"

Bella knew she was speaking about the drugs. "Fuck you, Rosalie. I don't answer to you or any others of your kind. I do what I want. It is my life. Oh sorry, you wouldn't understand that. You had yours stolen from you."

"That's not fair, Bella." a voice sang from behind her. Bella knew immediately who it was. The one person who she felt no anger towards. She was too much a mother for that.

"No, you're right. That wasn't fair. I had mine stolen so I guess I do understand. Maybe bitches like her and I have something in common. Hate. Pure hate." Bella replied continuing to stare at Rosalie. "You would love to tear my head off, wouldn't you? No what, why don't you just suck the blood from my body and help me die. Death would be a welcome end to this miserable life. My life has never been kind since I met you. But you won't do that. You love the idea of me suffering. You enjoy watching me die a slow painful death. You and the rest must have had a great laugh at my expense. Alice envisioning my pain, my sleepless nights, my hatred towards you all. How hard did you laugh, Rose? Enough entertainment for you. I hope I accommodated you well."

Bella could see Rosalie's eyes weaken. Bella had found Rosalie's weakness. She walked up, standing. toe to toe with the woman. "You can smell the blood running through my veins. Even as vile as it is, it still tempts you. Do it, Rose. You would love the opportunity to rid yourself of the human once and for all. It would be a pleasure to have you do it. Make me suffer and laugh while you do it. Take away the one thing you would give away everything to have. A human heart."

"Bella, stop. Please." the voice behind her asked.

"No, I will have time with all of you. This is my conversation with Rosalie and I intend to have it."

"Bella, you are a cold hearted bitch."

"It would take one like you to recognize the signs."

"I never felt hate for you. I never wished for your death. I wanted you to go away. You ruined this family's happiness. I won't deny that. But we never wanted you to be unhappy. I've missed you, Bella, and no matter how much anger and loathing you feel towards us, I know you did too."

Bella was stunned. How could this woman be friendly to her after the awful things she had said? Had Rose changed in the past two years. No, this was a trick. Lower the human's defenses so they can break her heart again. That's what made this woman tick. That was her want in life. To kick the cat while it was vulnerable. Bella wouldn't be giving Rosalie the chance. "Continue to lie to yourself, Rose. It will only make you weak. I can chip at your armor all day. I can wear down your defenses. What can you do to me except kill me? I have nothing else. Everything else about me is just like you. Dead. My heart doesn't beat anymore. I'm making sure of it. So I owe you, Rose. Thank you for killing me without bringing death on my door. Could you just finish the job and move on to your next play toy? I'm done. If you won't end my suffering just do one thing."

"Anything you want, Bella. Name it and it is yours. But, I will not take your life away from you. You claim we made you into this. I don't believe that. I think you are the one who is weak. You were never good enough for my brother. He deserves someone who is strong. Someone who isn't a temptation to him. Did you ever think about that or were you too selfish to care? Every day we would watch him pretend to be happy. He never was with you. He fought his nature. He was fighting a battle warring inside him so he would not be a monster, as he calls it. But with you around he was tortured. So as much as I don't hate you, I still believe leaving was a good thing. Just because you have to pollute your body and make yourself sick just proves you were weak and unworthy of him. The only thing I want you to remember is that I didn't agree to come back here. I didn't approve of anyone coming to see you. I would have let you stay in your own personal hell _you_ created out of your own weakness to handle that which makes you human."

Bella was stunned. She knew the reason he had left was because she was too weak. She was not able to be what he truly wanted. She was a toy. The one thing that shocked her was the idea that he had a weakness. How could she have been so selfish to want him that badly. She had been torture for him. He deserved better than her. She was nothing and he deserved everything. He had fought his nature for so long. Then she came along and had made him a prisoner in his fight. She had made him promise once never to leave. He had sworn to it even though it meant hell for him. She didn't deserve him. She was poison to him. She was his death. That didn't matter. They had abandoned her. They had no allowed her to be one of them. She wouldn't have been a poison to him if Rosalie hadn't been so set in Bella staying human. Bella could have been safe in his arms. She could have made him happy. She wouldn't be nothing. She would never be happy. She would always be nothing. It was because of Rosalie. She had said it herself, she wanted me to go away. She convinced them to leave.

"There is only one thing I want you to do for me, Rose. Go burn in a huge bonfire so I can dance on your ashes." Bella hissed as she turned on her heel to face another beautiful face.

This one looked withered and lost. Bella remember every wonderful moment with this woman. Love and tenderness had been natural to her. She was a mother to none and all at the same time. Why would she look like an endless night of darkness. She was a shadow of the woman Bella remembered. What could have happened to make such incredible differences between then and now?

"Hello, Esme." Bella said softly as she stepped closer to the woman. She refused to hold anything against this woman. Esme could be the one fault, the one chip in Bella's armor. The one person that could make Bella open herself to the new and fresh pain all over again.

Esme held out her arms. Bella felt herself fall into them. She felt safe and secure. For the first time in a long time she immediately felt like she had come home. Her real home. She loved this beautiful, talented, loving creature and would never wish her any harm.

Bella felt the woman shake controllably. She pulled away slightly and realized that Esme was sobbing. No tears but sobbing none the less. She felt her long cold dead heart shatter more than was possible. She had missed the woman and realized briefly the pain Esme must have gone through. Esme's love for all of her children was undying. You take away one of her children and it was if you had chopped off both her hands. She would always be lost without those she had come to love and respect. Bella had been that lost child and now she was here. But for how long? Had this been fair to Esme? Coming back? Bella had been so angry and wanted the opportunity to tell this unfair family how she felt. How she didn't care about any of them. She had not stopped to think about how Esme would react to having her child come home and then leave again. Be tossed back onto the pile with the other toys.

Bella just had to keeping remembering she had only been a toy. Maybe not to Esme but to the rest of them. No matter which side of the fence you stood Bella could never hate or be angry with Esme. She had an internal pull to be with her children and her kind. Bella would never fault her for that.

"Bella, I have missed you. Oh, it's so good to have you in my arms again." Esme spoke softly. She held Bella tighter as if she was afraid that letting go would be losing your way in a fog.

"I have missed you too. I spent many nights wondering about you. How you felt about all this. How you were doing. Esme, I just want you to know, no matter what happens here today, I love you and don't hold you responsible for anything that has happened. You would never intentionally hurt me. I know that deep down in places no one ever sees." Bella couldn't help herself. She needed a release. She needed to let out some pain. She tucked herself back into Esme's arms and cried. The tears flowed as freely as her love for her adoptive mother.

After some time, Bella found the strength again to pull away. Taking Esme's hands in her own she said with an even voice, "Esme, I want you to leave. Just for a little while. I don't want you to witness a repeat performance of what happened with Rosalie. I have some things I have to say to the others and I don't want you here to hear them. I love you and respect you too much to hurt you that way. They are your children and you don't need to know how I feel about them."

"Bella, I understand how you think you feel. Please, believe me, they know it too. I have strong shoulders, Bella, and I believe I can handle some of your truth. But you must hear and believe me in one thing. I have never lied to you and as my 'daughter' I never will. They were and are still in as much pain as you. They didn't want to go. They felt we had no choice. As long as we were near you your life would always be in danger. A few of us put up a good fight for you but in the end the decision was made by one person. The only one who felt he had the right to decide what was best for you. All I ask is for you not to fault him for caring that much."

Bella didn't want to hear what she was saying. She would definitely be able to get into her shell she had built up and see the mess that existed underneath. As much as she didn't want to listen she couldn't just ignore this woman's plea for forgiveness. She didn't need forgiveness but she was pleading anyways. Bella loved her more for that.

"Esme, I can't make any promises. You must have realized this would someday come to pass. These conversations were going to happen. I will not promise anything. I will listen what they have to say but it doesn't mean I will hear the meanings to the words. I have done too much and hurt too long to say 'I forgive you and let's start over'. That just isn't an option."

"Bella, as long as you're willing to listen, I will not ask anything else of you except one thing. If after this is over you want to talk, you know who you can talk to. Okay?" Esme stated as she ran her hand across Bella's cheek.

"Okay. Now where is everyone else? I have some words for them." Bella asked pulling away from Esme and looking around the entrance.

"A few of them are in the living room. As for the others, they are upstairs. I have a feeling you will want to talk to my son last."

"I will save him for last. He is the one who I have mainly come to speak too. But since I have the opportunity to say my peace to all of them, hell, I'll take it." Bella commented as Esme took her by the hand and walked her into the living room.

It was bright and airy as it had been before. Everything still in its place, the smell was divine. Bella suddenly felt a calming sensation and allowed herself to enjoy its beauty. She had a realization snap at her and turned towards the blond man standing on the other side of the room. "Fuck off, Jasper. Your parlor tricks are unwanted by me."

**NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP VERY SOON. BETWEEN WORK AND THE BALL/CHAIN IT MAY BE A DAY OR TWO. SORRY TO ALL MY DEVOTED READERS. R&R, PLEASE.**


	6. REASON FOR DYING

**REASON FOR DYING**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

Bella stared at the man standing on the other side of the room. Her hatred towards him was unwavering. He was one of the reasons she had the pain that lived in her inch of her body. He and his weakness.

Bella knew exactly what she wanted to say. She had practiced this speech so many times over the last two years. Her anger would be allow the words to be so truthful. "What are you trying to do, Jasper? You want to lull me into a false sense of ease so when you attack again I can't fight."

Jasper hung his head. The torture was going to show him how much he had taken from her. He looked the same as he had the last time she had seen him. He looked tired. Tired of what? Being a monster. Ruining people's lives. Tired of playing with people's emotions.

"Bella, that is not fair. It has been very hard on him." Alice stated moving to stand next to Jasper.

"Alice, I have four words for you. Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Bella growled stabbing the little woman with her eyes. Turning her attention back to Jasper she continued, "So how do you want to do this, Jasper? Would you like me to just lie down and expose my neck? Or would you like to race? Maybe I could get a two minute head start. I figure it would take you about thirty seconds to find me. My adrenaline would have my blood racing for you. I will let you decide. I'm pretty sure you didn't let any of your other victims chose. Why should I have the choice."

"Bella, please. I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I tore the family apart with my weakness."

Bella broke in, "Weakness. Now that is a funny way to look at it. I thought you loved the weak. They would be easy prey. I bet you like the deer more than the cougars. They don't put up that much of a fight. Jasper, why don't you stop talking. The sound of your voice is like fingernails running down the skin of a vampire. And I am positive your little wife has the nails to do the job. You want to know why she shops and pretties herself up all the time? It's so you won't see how much you bring her down with your weakness. She doesn't love you, did you know that? She sticks by your side so you won't embarrass the family by giving in to your weakness. She's your babysitter not your lover. Just think how much more happy she would be it you would throw yourself on a fire."

Jasper looked back up. His eyes blazed with anger. She had found his weakness. His true weakness. This was getting easier by the second. She would force the issue and make him hurt with that same terrible emptiness he had forced her to be left with. No, she didn't want him to have his own emptiness. She wanted him to have hers so he could feel what she had to live with.

"Bella, you can hate me. You can attack me but leave Alice out of it. She fought so hard to stay for you. She loves you. She constantly watched your future when she was told not to. She wanted you to be better. She cried so often over the things that you did to yourself."

"Fuck you, Jasper. You're a fucking piece of shit. I would have never needed to do those things if you were strong. You are weak. You always will be. You will always be the embarrassment to your family. You will never earn their trust to be able to run on your own. You couldn't handle the temptations then and they all know you never will. And as far as your babysitter is concerned, I have nothing to say to her. She is the worst of all of them. She was so worried. Fuck that shit. She just envisioned my future so she could tell everyone how well you all tore me down. Answer me honestly. How long have you guys been playing with human's emotions? How many young girls have you ruined with your games?"

Jasper started to step forward. He paused in mid-step and turned. "I'm done. She won't listen. There is nothing I can say that will help. Her emotions are too violent. She is not our Bella anymore."

"What do you mean 'our Bella'? Don't you mean your play toy. That's what I was, right? I was a toy that you got tired of. I got thrown into the pile with the rest. How many bodies did you go through? You are the oldest. You must have been doing this for years. Is that what vampires do for fun? You have done and learned everything there is in this world so you needed something new. Fucking up young girls. Making them believe they have a chance to have a perfect man and a perfect life. Once they are under your spell you throw reality back at them and kick them while they're down.

Just to let you know I gave you all my heart. You took threw it down. You stomped on it. You lit it on fire and danced around it just like you did with James. I don't care anymore. I don't care about any of you. I don't care about myself. I just want the pain to stop. You won, Jasper. I have no more life to give. It's dead. My heart. My soul. Now do me a favor and take the blood from my body. I want to live in my nightmares. At least there I don't have to pretend for my family, my friends, my teachers or complete strangers that I am a happy girl. I can have the silence I want. I can just be truly dead all over not just inside."

Bella could feel herself coming unraveled. This was too much too fast. She needed time to resettle herself. She needed to get out of here. She turned and headed for the door. She couldn't do this. She didn't have the strength. Suddenly, Bella knew what was wrong. She felt herself shaking. She could feel the sweat starting fall down her face. She should have taken the stronger pills. She wasn't able to do this with the amount in her system. She flew out of the room and made her way to the front door. The last thing she remembered was the floor flying by the ceiling before everything went black.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bella opened her eyes. Slowly the world began to focus. The first thing she realized was the darkness. She paused for a moment thinking she would be able to see the stars like in her nightmares but realized she was on a bed. She tried to clear the fog and figure out where she was and what had happened. She jumped from the bed as reality sunk in.

Damn, that didn't go as planned. She needed to get out of here. She tried to see through the darkness and as her eyes adjusted she could make out the shapes. She slowly made her way to the wall and felt her way. Her hand felt the door jam before her eyes could make it out. As she reached for the door handle something grabbed her wrist. She was swung onto the back of the massive beast as they flew out the window.

Bella opened her mouth to scream but the sound wouldn't come out. She hugged the neck of the creature harder as she ducked her head into his back. She started to sob as she remember being carried like this once before. She had been happy. There had been no pain then. She had wished for that feeling often. She wished for it too often. It was second nature to her to want what she couldn't have. Now she was having it and she didn't want it.

She felt herself slipping into a deep depression. She wanted everything to stop. She needed her dulled pain back. She didn't want what she had wished so hard for. The feelings were too real. Too raw. The pain she was feeling was to fresh. Too raw. She couldn't go back and have to feel them all over again.

She could feel the wind whip around her. She could hear the forest flashing by her. She wanted to die. She wanted everything to die. She cried at everything. Life wasn't fair. Life was cruel and heartless to make her suffer this pain again.

Bella felt everything around her slow. A hand reached back and pull her around. Her feet were planted back on the ground. She sank to the forest floor and shuddered. She was afraid of who she was with and it was killing her to look up. She didn't want this. Not him. She wasn't ready. She wanted him to go away. Of all the people she was angry with he was the worst. The worst one to face. He would be impossible to find weaknesses in. If anyone besides Esme could find her cracks and shatter her shell it would be Emmett.

She felt his arms wrap around her. She melted into them allowing herself a moment of joy. She had been without it for so long. Emmett had always been a rock. A big brother. A light in the darkness. She had manifested him as a savior, a guardian angel, who would protect her. This had been in her nightmares in the beginning and then he too had disappeared. She knew the real thing was none of those things. She was no more safe with him then any of them.

She pushed herself away, stood and a walked a few feet. He didn't say anything. He waited. She finally found the strength, unfortunately it was her strength she had to rely on not the drugs. She turned to face him and took a deep breath as she found the differences between this man and the one of her memories.

Emmett was not the joyful prankster he had been. He looked like a shell of what used to be a man. An unbreakable, unmovable brick was now a broken doll house. He looked weak and tired. He seemed to be ready to die. Ready to give up and throw himself into a circle of flames. Her heart, if not already dead and broken, wanted to reach out and comfort him.

Bella walked over and knelt down in front of him. He was so still. Finally, with what seemed like the last of his strength, he looked up into her eyes. "Why, Bella? Why did this happen to you?"

"Emmett, do you really need to ask that question? Isn't it obvious why? I don't want this. I don't want to feel, see, hear. I don't want to remember. I wanted a way to leave it all behind. I want the pain to end. I want my life back. I don't want to know everything I know and have to hide it from everyone. You shouldn't be asking why, Emmett. The question should be how? How did I allow myself to relive the pain over and over. How did I suffer so long without running and finding a vampire and begging it to drain me dry? How could I continue breathing when all I feel inside is dead?"

"Bella, did we really do this to you? Is all this pain because we left?"

"I am not even going to answer that. The fact that you are even asking answers my questions. You and the family never cared how you affected me. You all found me an amusement. A toy. Don't worry though, Emmett, I am done. I will leave the family alone. I don't have the fight in me anymore. I'll stop torturing them and just go back to my tortured life."

"Did you come to the house to tell us off? To make yourself feel better? Have you not stopped to ask yourself why after how we made you feel that we came asking for your help? Or are you so dead inside that you truly don't care? Don't care to know or at least ask?"

"What do you want me to say? I heard what Carlisle told me. 'He's dying, Bella.' I heard the words." Bella hung her head. "I am already dead. How can I help someone who deserves better than me? You should go find someone who is as beautiful as him. Someone who is as interesting as him. Someone who is as smart as him. Someone who can be everything he deserves."

"Bella, you're wrong. You are all those things and more for him. He loves you, he always has. He didn't want to hurt you. He thought he was releasing you from a life of torture. He truly believes that he is everything you shouldn't have. He believes he is not good enough for you. Everything you believe you are not for him, he says he isn't for you. He thinks that you deserve better than anything he can offer you.

Bella, this shit has to stop. He is dying. I think the two of you need to speak and whether you want to or not you will. You can fight, kick, hit or bite if you want but you will not get the privilege to walk away. Not like this."

Bella couldn't believe what she was hearing. Of all the people she knew, he was the last one she thought would be the sensible one. Well, he wasn't being completely sensible. He was forcing her to do something she didn't want to do. She was going to have to do something she wasn't strong enough to do. She knew he wasn't giving her a chose. She resigned herself to the fact that her broken, dark life was about to head in down an unknown path she had hoped she would never have to go.

She sighed and nodded her head. He picked her up and cradled her in his arms. He held her tight and ran back towards the house. Towards her reason for dying.


	7. SILENT AND DULL

**SILENT AND DULL**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**I would like to thank Katzenpfote for squashing my fears about the last chapter. This chapter is for you. Thank you for listing me as one of your favorite authors. For you enjoy the ending you know is coming. HAHA!!!!!**

**I have to admit something to my readers. Edward's "illness" was a big mystery to all of you, however, another writer had the same idea I had. Unfortunately, they wrote the illness into their story before I had the chance. I, therefore, acknowledge this writer's creativity. I am not stealing their idea and have their permission to use the idea. Thank you****Nightshade713.**

Bella's emotions were running high as she was placed back on the ground. She was hurting. The trip back from the woods was as terrifying as the first. The pain was all too real. She was relieved it was over but, strangely, wanting more.

What was more terrifying was the fact that she was about to be forced to do something she mentally felt she wasn't ready for. How could she get out of this? How could she buy herself time to prepare? Even if she could find a way would they let her?

Emmett took her hand and looked down at her. He looked concerned. Was the concern for her? For his family? For _him_? Was he really concerned or was this another trick? He was, after all, Emmett. He was the prankster, the big brother, the protector. Would he go that far to fulfill the needs of his family over the pain he would cause her? She couldn't decide.

An idea popped into her head. She had figured out a way to do this on her terms. She had to play the cards just right. She knew as vampires they would see deception. This was not deception. It was just a delay. The hell pixie would already know what Bella had planned. Maybe that would help. Alice, Bella hated even thinking that name, would do anything at this point she to have her acknowledge the woman's existence.

Bella thought for a moment about Alice. She had been Bella's best friend. Alice had claimed once that Bella was going to be one of them. Was this the future she had envisioned? Was this the path to that end? If that was so, why had Alice fought everyone so hard not to leave. The reason, because this wasn't that path. The future had moved in a different direction on her birthday. Jasper had reacted not out of planning but out of instinct. Alice couldn't have seen that new path emerge. Not quickly enough to prevent it. But had Alice been truthful with her? Were they suppose to be best friends? Sisters? Would they ever have a chance to find out? Bella was now undecided.

She had held this rage for so long, she could no longer see the path that she wanted. She had had all the intentions in the world to spit in their faces and then leave. Now having seen them, smelt them, touched them, listened to them, she was so unsure of her future with them. Was there going to be a future? Was there a light at the end of this tunnel? Was she capable of trusting or loving them again? Would she really want to chance it? So many unknowns. So many confusing emotions. Everything was so undecided.

Bella stayed true to one course of action. She would need to face him. She needed to finish what she had started but she needed time to prepare. She knew how she wanted to do this but not how it would end. It was either her or him who would die. Emotionally. Maybe it would be both.

Emmett lead her into the house. The smells were so real, so sweet. She felt her heart break just a little bit more. Walking into the living room, she raised her head. She looked at the faces of the people who betrayed her. Who left her alone in a world of torment and torture. How could she ever find a way to forgive them? Was that even possible? Again, more unknowns.

"Bella, I know you want nothing to do with me. I accept my fate on that but what you want to do....I'm sorry. I looked into your future again. I know you have told me to keep out but I think it is the way it should be. I think you and my brother need that time in that place to talk and find each other again. If that is a possibility for you. I told them what and how you want to talk to them. They don't completely agree with the idea but you need to do this your way. We understand that. We have been selfish, from your point of view, asking you to help when all we have done is caused you so much pain. You tell us when and we will make sure it is arranged." Alice said in a somber voice. She didn't even look at Bella. The shame was too much for her.

"Tomorrow morning. I need time to get by my dad. He is probably beside himself wondering where I am. You make sure he is there at sunrise and I will be there. There is only one thing I will ask of you. If you feel as terrible as you say you do, you will do this my way. I don't want any of you around. I want you all far enough away so that your parlor tricks can't influence or invade this moment for us. I want him and I on our own. We have to work this out for ourselves. No interference. Understand?" Bella eyed everyone in the room.

They were all silent as they pondered the idea. What was there to ponder? They wanted her help. They wanted her to save him. Why would they have to pause to decide? Was he that far gone that he couldn't be left on his own? Could he be trusted? Was that the problem? Was she truly that unsafe with him?

"We agree, Bella. But you need to know how hard this will be. He is not the same person he was two years ago." Carlisle paused and raised his head slightly. "Bella, he says he will not hurt you anymore. He wants us to know that we shouldn't fear anything. He wants to do this your way. He knows where and when. He will be there. He is not asking for forgiveness. He just wants to talk."

"Fine. Now if you will excuse me. I'm going home." Bella said in a firm voice and turned to walk out the door. She knew from the silence they were stunned. Even mention of him was not going to waver her feelings. There would be enough of that in the morning.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Bella, is that you?"

"Yea, dad. It's me. Sorry I'm late. I'll have dinner ready in a few."

"Don't worry about it, honey. I ordered pizza. It should be here soon. Where were you?" Charlie asked innocently as he strolled into the kitchen.

"I was out finishing up some loose ends." Bella replied cryptically.

"And what does that mean?" Charlie asked raising one eyebrow.

Bella sighed. Why now? Why did he have to be the inquisitive parent? The one time she'd love him to be 'Charlie'. "Dad, do we really have to do this? I just had some people I had to speak with. Sort of a 'have it out' thing. I would rather not get into it."

"Does this have anything to do with what happened a few years ago? Bella, you have been getting so much better over the last year. I just don't want that progress to go away." Charlie said in a defiant tone.

"Dad, listen to me, please!" Bella pleaded. "What I'm doing is going to make me better, I promise. You will find yourself with a better, new and improved Bella. I haven't been happy for a long time. You have been seeing what you want to see. You have been looking through a foggy window."

"Bella, what are you talking about?" Charlie frowned, slightly confused.

"Dad, you have been seeing a fake me. You have been believing in me getting better so much that you haven't noticed the Barbie doll smile I painted on my face. I have not been happy since that day. I've been numb. I've been holding things in. Hiding them from the world. Please understand, what I'm doing now is going to change all that. I'm not your little girl anymore. I've grown up and I'm taking care of my problems my way. I'm sorry if I've deceived you or anyone else by doing it. I've always just wanted everyone to be happy without realizing what I was doing to myself. I have one more person I have to 'have it out' with and then this will be over. The old Bella is gone but maybe, just maybe, you will love the new one more."

Charlie did something he hardly ever did. He walked towards Bella and put his hand under her chin. He pulled her face up so she was looking straight into his eyes. "Bella, I will always love you no matter who you are. I want you to be yourself even if you think I can't handle it. Don't ever be fake with me. You're my baby and I'll always want what is best for you but no at the cost of your happiness. If what you are doing is making you happy then what more can a father ask for. I love you."

He pulled her into him and wrapped himself around her tiny body. She felt herself release the tension. She needed a rock to lean against at that moment, and she'd found it in the last place she'd ever imagined. She wrapped her arms around his waist and cried. He was everything she needed in a man.

She wanted to be with someone who was just like her father. All fathers want that for their daughters and now Bella understood why. Because their fathers knew when to be there when it counted most. They knew how to make everything right with what they said. They understood pain without having to admit it. A father was the perfect person in the world.

Bella released her grip and pulled away. She noticed Charlie turn his head but not before she saw a tear running down his cheek. She was a little shocked but admired the man's passion for her and her happiness. How would he feel if he knew _they_ were back and it had been them she had gone and seen today? There wasn't a hope in hell she was going to tread on that subject. She was just glad her and her father were on some common ground. Well, not completely. They were in the same state but that was better than the same country.

Bella and Charlie continued to talk into the night. It was all small talk but it was better than the alternative. Thinking about what would happen the next day. She couldn't allow herself that. She didn't want to have to start practicing her speech again. That speech she had revised so many times. She couldn't allow time to break down the steel shell she had built up around herself. She needed it to be a spur of the moment now that she was seeing him last.

Her thoughts over the years of how this confrontation would proceed always had just the two of them in the picture. She had never rehearsed this when dealing with all of them in such a small window of time. She needed to regain her strength to make this work. She was glad she had gotten that time. She was grateful for her father's help even if he didn't know it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning around far too quickly. Bella sat somberly on her bed. She would have to leave soon. It would take her several hours to walk the path. She had run out of time to decide.

On the bed between her legs was a box. Not just any box. It was her box. Her lifeline to her world. Her way of dealing with the pain. Now she wasn't sure if she wanted to mask the pain or feel it at its fullest. There was her answer. She had been wondering if she could be strong enough to handle what was coming. If she allowed the pain to be with her, not hiding under the surface, she could make it work for her not against her.

She closed the box and placed it back in the floor. It looked empty without its companion. The second box was still in her truck. She had never gotten the chance to use it yesterday. Today, however, it was going to be a very affective weapon. She had a lot of arsenal for her fight today and the was her secret weapon.

She jumped off the bed and started down the stairs. Charlie had left about an hour earlier so she didn't have to worry about him hounding her about who she was seeing this morning. Even though he had not asked, Bella knew he was curious. He wanted to know who had her so jittery. He hadn't realized they were back and that had been the best for everyone.

As she got in the truck, she looked over at the box. It was made of black leather with gold trim around the edges. Written on top in very elegant lettering was her name. She remembered when she first found it. The irony of the find. She had been trying to hide her stash during a visit home last year. Being a cop, Charlie would have known all the regular places to look. Since this had been his house for so many years, he would have looked in the unusual places. Bella had to be creative in hiding the stash. She had found the section of the floor where the hole had been. Inside was the box. The one thing that had caused her so much pain found itself roommates with the one thing that would kill it.

Bella found herself at the edge of the road and turned onto the dirt path she had seen once a long time ago. The memories began to trickle into her consciousness. The pain was becoming so much more real. She was beginning to regret her earlier decision to leave her relief in a small box in her room.

She got out of the truck and instead of taken the obvious trail she started out in a different direction.

_The way was mostly flat......the damp ferns and webs of moss.....fallen trees and boulders.....the forest spread out in a boundless labyrinth of ancient trees.....the light...filtered through the canopy transformed the murky olive tone shifting to a brighter jade.....**_

Bella pushed her way through the last of the of the ferns and felt the sun shine on her as it begin its rise into the sky. She looked around a the magic of the meadow. It was far grander then she had remembered but far worse then in her nightmares.

Sitting in the middle of the field was her destiny. Silent and dull.

**taken from chapter 12 of 'Twilight'.


	8. MY TRUE SINGER

**MY TRUE SINGER**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**For my devoted followers who have waited so long and been so patient here it is. No cliffhangers on this one. Enjoy.**

Bella stood for a moment. She knew her approach had already been detected but she needed a moment to get the flood of emotions under control. She was scared. Who wouldn't be? This was the man that Bella had fallen in love with. The first man she had fallen truly in love with. He was the man she was willing and had almost given her life for. Not only because of James, which was not by her choice, but because she wanted to be turned. She had been so in love with him that she was ready to give away her humanity to be with him. She had been willing to leave her family behind to spend eternity with him and his family.

Bella took a deep breath and steadily started across the meadow. Something didn't seem right. Something was different about him. His back was to her but she knew him too well to know when something was wrong. He was silent. For a vampire that was normal but for him it was something more. He didn't have that vibe about him.

He always had a presence to him that had told Bella instinctively that he was near. It was as if she was his personal radar detector. But now, he was strangely silent. He didn't make any indications that he knew she was there. His non-breathing motions would always flutter when he was able to smell her. He was not moving. He was not breathing. Was he trying not to challenge his nature? Was he no longer immune to her? Was he trying to ensure her safety by not taking in her smell?

Bella was becoming strangely nervous. She was already nervous about seeing him. She was worried that she would look into his eyes and find all of her raging emotions cease to exist. The one emotion she couldn't afford to have take over was the one that continuously threatened. Love. Admiration. Devotion. But now she was nervous for other reasons. Something was so terribly wrong.

There was nothing wrong with this situation, except that it should never have happened. There was nothing wrong with her emotions, they should be completely confused. There was something wrong with him. He wasn't the same man. His demeanor was wrong. Everything about him was wrong. Even if he didn't care about her he would still make the effort. Wouldn't he? Maybe because he no longer loved her, he no longer was sensitive to her physically.

As she walked across the field, she could feel the morning dew soaking into the material of her pants. She knew the sun would soon come up over the trees and dry it up. Who cared if she was wet. The sun. That was one thing that was wrong.

Bella picked up speed. Something was nagging at her. She was sure she knew what was wrong but she needed to be sure. She needed to see his face. She was no longer afraid. For the moment, her anger was gone. The fear still existed but it was different now.

"Stop. Bella, stop there."

Bella froze. What was going on? What was he up to? She stayed where she was and wondered silently. Had she misunderstood? Was there nothing wrong? Was this his way? He couldn't face her. He was going to be a coward and not even have enough respect to face her. Her anger took over from the concern.

"Why? Why should I stop? Are you scared? Frightened that facing me will make you realize what you lost? Too fucking bad, Cullen. You're going to take your punishment like a man. Take it like the rest of your kind. You have a choice. I can say my peace here or I can scream it from the main street of town. One way or another, I will say what I have to say and you can go on living. Well, if that's what your kind does."

"Bella, don't talk like that. I didn't ask them to bring you to me. I didn't ask them to look for you. I never asked any of them to watch over you. You're angry. Good. Tell me off. Lay all the cards on the table and finish what you started with them yesterday. I deserve the pain and torment I put you through over the last two years. I deserve every ounce of it."

"No fucking way, Cullen. You won't get that privilege." Bella screamed taking another step forward.

"What privilege?"

"Pretending you know how I feel. Pretending you're sorry for what you did to me. The privilege of me being easy on you. Fuck you!" Bella took another step. She had found her voice. She had found her strength. The pain fueled her. She was going to let it work for her not against her.

"I'm not saying I know how you feel. I can't even imagine the pain I caused you. When Alice told me about the drugs I was heartbroken." He said as he rose up from the ground.

Bella paused. He was slow in getting up. He wasn't smooth and steady the way he should be. He was scared. He knew what was coming and didn't want to face the reality he had created. "What I chose to do to my body it my choice. You no longer have the right to say or do anything about that. I didn't leave you alone in the woods. I didn't take away your right to chose. I didn't hide away every cherished memory in some sick fashion."

She watched him cringe. He knew exactly what she was saying. She took the box she had been carrying and threw it at him. He was just within reach that it hit him square on the back and landed with a thud on the soft grass.

"Take your shit back. It never really belonged to me in the first place. I don't want the pictures, the presents or my lullaby. You hid it in the floor of my room. Why? So I would have an unconscious reminder of how I was played. How I was tricked into believing that it was possible for us to have something together. You can go and find another girl. I'm sure someone will want you. Hell, any girl will want you. What was it you told me once? Something like 'I invite you in with my smell, my looks' etc. Well, let me tell you something. Your looks, your smell, everything about you disgusts me. I hate you.

I hate what you are, what you were, what we had. You are nothing to me now. You are not worthy of me. All these years I thought it was me. It wasn't. I am who I am. I can't change that. I thought I was plain and normal. You were the exciting one. The untouchable one. I thought I would never be worthy enough of you. I was wrong. I deserve much more than you. I deserve a man who will love me for me. I deserve a man who will protect me and keep me safe and not run out on me when things are rough.

With you I am nothing. I am so much more without you. I am me. I deserve happiness and you would never be able to provide that. Screw you. I am no longer a puppet for you to control."

There was only one thing she wanted to say. She wanted him to see into her eyes when she said it. She stepped forward again and as she did, he moved away.

"Stop running, coward. Try to be a man for once and actually look at me. Stop trying to hide. I already know the monster you are. You and your kind don't deserve to exist. I will make it my mission in life to see that no one ever is hurt by your family again."

"Bella, you should go. I can't do this. I can't stay here. Not like this, please." He said with a sad tone.

"You can't or you won't. You won't face up to the truth that you're nothing. You're not worthy of walking on the planet. You're a fraud. You and your family. Why me? I just need to know that answer. Was it because I was weak? I was afraid? I was alone? I was broken? Tell me, coward."

"What do you want me to say? The truth. You are not willing to hear it. You want your anger. You want to make us suffer to ease your suffering. I'm not going to cower in the corner like the rest of them. I will fight you, Bella." So he did have a backbone. He was going to make this interesting.

"And what would the truth be, Cullen?"

"Why won't you say my name? It was so easy for you before. Before when you loved me. Did that stop the day I left? Did you find someone else? Are they the one who turned you into a drug addict? I was never worthy of your love. I never deserved someone like you, Bella. You were and stay are everything I wish I deserved. I wanted to protect you. But I failed. I couldn't even protect you from my family. I love you, Bella. Not even in a thousand years will that fact change. I just can't let you be in danger just so we can be together."

"Being together was the point, _Edward_," she hissed his name from her mouth like it was poison. "That is what a relationship is all about. Everyone has their rough patches. Because we are what we are made our relationship a little harder. But we could have managed except when the going got rough you turned your back on me. You never stopped to think that if we stuck together it would make life better for us. We would be stronger together than apart."

"I know that now. I understand that all too well. I'm learning that lesson the hard way." Edward said solemnly. He dropped back down and rested one hand on the ground.

Bella narrowed her eyes. There was definitely something wrong with him. What was it? Did she still care enough in her heart to want to know. The emotions were like a hurricane churning within her. She stepped again towards him expecting him to jump up and move away from her again. He didn't. She continue her path towards him.

"I'm not going to run, Bella. Do you want the answer to your questions? I didn't ask the family to find you. I knew I hurt you and I knew it would be hard on everyone, yourself mostly, to bring you into this. I have accepted the fate as it has been given to me. I will not ask for your help. I told them I wouldn't no matter what the cost to me. They went against my wishes. They turned their backs on me and did what they felt was best. They were wrong. You want the answers. You deserve that. Not because I want your pity or sympathy. You deserve to know why after two years they decided to be cruel enough to ask you for help. We, myself most of all, don't deserve it. I hurt you in ways I can't even begin to imagine. They think that by doing this, they are helping both of us. Giving us both what we want most. But they didn't stop to realize they would hurt you more than I already did.

I'm dying, Bella. A more horrible death than any vampire wants to admit is even possible. There has only been one other recorded case in vampire history where a vampire died this way. My body is starving to death. I can't consume blood. If I try to feed my body rejects it. There is nothing that can be done. It is what it is. Just that. A painful death. I see it as retribution for the pain I caused you. There is your answer. There is the reason you are being made to suffer at the family's interference." Edward pushed himself back up and started to walk away.

Bella heard the words and felt her heart break all over again. She had wished him pain. She wanted him to have her pain and live with it but not at this cost. She knew of only one way for a vampire to die and it was not like this. She didn't want this. This wasn't how it was suppose to happen.

She, suddenly, found herself running. She needed the proof. She had to see him for herself. She needed to know that this wasn't another lie. She ran harder than she ever had before and found herself making ground on him. Was he that far gone that he couldn't escape her?

She came up to him. He was facing away from her. She could smell him clearly now. It wasn't his smell. He wasn't her Edward. She laid her hand on his arm and didn't feel the electricity flow between them. This was a shock to her. Was this because he was sick? Was it because there was nothing between them anymore? She had so many questions. But did she want the answers?

The sun shone on her face temporally blinding her. She gasped. He wasn't sparkling. His thousands of diamonds were dull like unpolished rocks. She pulled his arm and he turned enough for her to see the extent of his illness.

There was no doubt he was sick. He was hollow. He was dead. Not vampire dead but human dead. His cheeks were sunk in, his skin sagged, his eyes.....they were black but not like he hadn't fed but dead black. They reminded Bella of a old tree in the middle of a giant forest that had never seen light. He was dying. There was no denying that fact.

"Edward. Look at me."

He looked at her for the first time but he wasn't looking at her either. It was as if he was looking through her. As if he couldn't focus on her. He was too tired to even try.

"Answer one more question, Edward. Why did they come for me? Why are they so sure that I can help? I'm only human. How can I help?" Bella asked with genuine concern. She wanted him to suffer but not like this and if she was able to help, how could she not? She wouldn't allow herself to be cold and heartless like he had been that day. She would show she was better then him.

"Bella, there has been one case where a vampire has died from the disease. But, there also has been a case where one survived. The others are betting that you are the survival for me based on that case. They have convinced themselves of that. But if you are my survival then I would rather die."

"I don't understand. What would I be able to do?"

"My survival is in your blood. Only my singer, my true singer, can save me. But it would mean your death in order for that. I would need all your blood and I am not going to be responsible for your death. I have caused you enough pain. I am responsible for that. This is my punishment for that."

Bella's emotions were torn. She was able to save him but at such a cost to herself. Suddenly she realized one thing. "Your family is ready for me to die just to save you. No fucking way. They are that self-diluted that they think I would willing go to my death after everything you have done. Sorry to disappoint them. I won't give them that pleasure. You can tell them that for me. Enjoy what little time you have left."

Bella raced back across the meadow, crushing the treasure trove of her and Edward's memories as she went. She was anger. More anger than she had ever been with the family. They were nothing to her more than they had ever been.


	9. I PROMISE, JAKE

**I PROMISE, JAKE**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**This chapter is for the Jacob lovers out there. I personally don't care about him but seeing as in this story there was never anything between them, he is getting a chance to redeem himself to the Jacob haters. Enjoy! **

Bella had been torn. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do? Should she leave Forks earlier than planned? Should she stay and try to salvage what was left of the summer? She had been agonizing over the decision for two days.

She couldn't help but think about Edward. She could say his name easier now. She now knew how she felt about him. His family, however, was a forbidden topic. She refused to let her brain think anything about them. But him, she couldn't settle the argument raging in her head.

There had been pro's and con's about it. Her feelings were tearing her apart. She was constantly confused about what to do. Leaving Forks sealed his fate. Staying meant facing her decision. Condemning Edward to a death that maybe he deserved but not at the expense of her sanity.

She had finally decided she still loved him. He was her soul mate. Nothing in the world could change that fact. She didn't want him to die but was she ultimately ready to give her life for him. Was she ready to end it all for the sake of the family having him back?

She needed time to think. She needed a place of peace. She only knew of one place that would give her the alone time she required to work out the different thoughts spinning around in her head.

She went to the kitchen and wrote a note to her father.

_Gone to La Push_

_Be home later._

_Love ya, _

_Bella_

She placed the note on the table and headed quickly upstairs to her room. She pulled out her box and removed one bottle. She found herself wanting the pills less each time she felt like taking one. She let one of the weaker strength pills fall into her hand and placed the bottle back in the box.

After replacing the box in its place she headed back downstairs and out the door. That one pill would take the edge off but nothing more. She wanted to at least be somewhat stable as she tried to make a decision on what to do.

She found herself a short time later on the beach in La Push. She sat on a piece of driftwood that sheltered her from the incoming rain. She closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the world for the first time in a long time.

She could hear the water roaring in. It sounded like a record skipping as the sound continued to repeat. As the water came up on land she could hear the crash as if it wanted to destroy the ground. She heard a bird flying overhead. Its cry sounded similar to her heart. A lonely heartbreaking cry for others of its kind.

She felt so lonely. She was depressed. She heart had been broken before but now it was just torn in two. One half was suffering with Edward. It was constantly watching him slipping further and further away every minute. The other half was hiding afraid to be allowed to be cobbled up by the selfishness and self-center attitudes. Not just the family's but hers.

She wanted her humanity. After all these years she was beginning to understand what Edward had been begging her to have. She had so many things she had never done and enjoyed in her life. Suddenly she was debating on whether they were worth having at the expense of her true love. She wanted to help him but it would be at the cost to her.

Give up her life to save him. Give up her life for his family. Give up on her family. Allow him to live. His family would live. Her family would live. She would be dead. His family would be happy. Her family would be devastated. He would be miserable. She would be dead.

If she didn't give her life for him he would die. Her family would suffer. Her family would still have her. His family would be shattered. Her family would be happy. She would be miserable. He would be dead.

Bella's thoughts were shattered by the sound of footsteps crunching the sand deeper into the earth. She swung her head around to see a long lost childhood friend.

He was much bigger than she remembered. In fact, he was massive. He had a hard expression on his face. He was no longer the young boy she remembered. He was now a man. How had this happened so quickly? Had she really been so immersed in her pain to forget the world went on around her?

She stood up wrapping the hood tighter around her face. She still hated the rain. It wasn't soothing like her hot showers. She smiled lightly at him.

He looked at her and his face lit up. She suddenly found herself staring at a boy within a man's body. As he approached she realized she only came mid-way up his chest. She was afraid that if he grabbed her for a hug she was going to be crushed.

His hair was chopped short. His face was harder and sharper in its shape and structure. Bella found herself suddenly more excite than she had been in a long time. He seemed to have a strange effect on her.

Jacob ran up and scooped Bella into his arms. He was so overly exuberant in seeing her that he hadn't taken into account he could kill her in the process.

"Jacob.....can't.....breath.....uuugggg...." Bella breathed out.

Jacob chuckled and loosened his grip just a little. He didn't, however, put her down. He looked down into her eyes and narrowed his own.

Putting her back on solid ground he asked, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What?"

"You're different, Bella. You don't seem the same."

"Well, neither are you. What have you been eating? Steroids?" Bella laughed heartily.

"Well, natural food will do that to a person. But I don't mean you have grown up. Your eyes. They are the window to the soul. Right? Well, yours are screaming help. You look....I don't know how to describe it. You look different. Like something inside you has change. Your personality or something like that. What is it, Bella?"

"I just have a lot on my mind, Jake. I am in a place in my life that either path I chose will result in one outcome. I lose. I am fighting an unwinnable fight." Bella said as she looked down. She couldn't let him see the tears that were threaten to fall down her face.

"Bella, walk with me. Tell me what is going on. You know you can talk to me. Right? I am your friend or at least I was until you left town. Does this have anything to do with that? I noticed the Cullen's came back shortly before you did."

Bella was stunned. No one knew they were back. She didn't know what to think. How would Jacob know? Was he spying on her? On them? Did he know who they were now? She needed to play it safe. She couldn't tell him she knew everything about them.

"Well, not really. I found out they were here in the area only recently. I was already planning to come home for the summer when I found out. Trust me, Jake, it was as much of a surprise as it is to see you." She refused to lie to him but she was going to be cryptic. She couldn't allow the secret to be giving away. She knew the consequences for that. She was grateful that she may be able to speak to someone about her feelings but she wasn't going to give everything away.

"So what's going on in your life? You doing okay at university?" Jacob asked getting a little off topic.

"University is good. I hate the shower set up though. No privacy. Sucks ya know. Life is complicated these days. So much going on and so little at the same time." Bella hoped that Jacob would bite without thinking too much into it. She silently prayed she wouldn't have to lie to him.

"Well, talk. You know, I have been told I'm a great listener."

"Where do I start? I met someone a while back. They weren't what I expected them to be. I have grown very fond of them. I would do anything for them. There were some issues and they left for a while. Recently some people approached me telling me that the person was ill. I was anger cause they left and hurt me deeply. I've since found out that this person I care so much about can be helped but it means I would have to do something I am not sure I want to do. It would make these other people happy but at my cost. I would be miserable and my 'friend' would be too."

"But everyone else would be happy. Your 'friend', if you did this for them, would they be sick anymore?"

Bella felt immediate relief. He wasn't reading to much into it and putting the two pieces of the equations together. She sighed, "No, they wouldn't be. But it would mean a major change in my life."

"How important is this friend to you?"

"More important than life itself." Bella stunned herself with that comment. Edward was that important. Suddenly she realized there was another way. It didn't matter how happy the family would be. It didn't matter that she would be dead. Edward would be alive. She wouldn't allow the chance to slip through her fingers. He would live. He would get over his misery. He would continue to exist. She wanted him to survive. He had to survive. For her. If this idea had any chance he had to survive for her.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Jake. Everything is right. I know what I want to do." Bella jumped up and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Thank you. I knew for some reason that I needed to come here. I knew that in this place I would find my answer. I just didn't realize that you would be here to help me find the answer."

"Hey, anything I can do. You look so much better already. Bella, just don't forget to take care of yourself first. Whatever you are going to do just make sure you do what is right for you. Okay?" Jacob narrowed his eyes and stared down at her.

Bella broke the contact first. She knew what he was saying. He was not the stupid. He knew this had to do with the Cullen's. There was just no way he could understand what she was ultimately giving up with this decision.

"I'll make sure it is for me, no one else. I promise, Jake." Bella said as she took his hand and they continued their stroll down the beach.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bella drove back to the house. Her earlier decision was laying heavily on her conscious. She wanted to do this for Edward. He was more important than her own life. She knew that and always had. But she didn't have to only choice in this decision.

Edward had already said he wouldn't ask her. She knew what his answer would be if she proposed her idea to him. She knew there was one person she needed to speak to. She needed to know if her idea had any chance of working. If it didn't work she would be back at square one. Undecided. Unsure if she had it in her to sacrifice herself.

She decided she would spend the evening with her dad. She had become very close to him in the past few days and it was important she spent what may possible her last few days alive with him. She wanted the chance of him knowing how much she loved him and cared for him. She needed to know he would be okay without her.

She pulled up to the house and found a number of vehicles in the driveway. She was curious what was going on. Charlie hadn't mentioned having anyone over. She shut off the engine and jumped out.

As she walked up to the house she realized that her dad's cruiser was parked near the front door. On the grass. What the hell? Her dad would never be that careless. She quickly scanned the scene around her. The other two cops cars were here. Suddenly, Bella felt a sick, empty feeling in her stomach. A car she would recognize anywhere was parked behind the cruisers.

Carlisle was here. Why? Bella's heart dropped. Edward. She was too late.

She raced up to the house and stopped short as the door opened. One of her father's deputies stepped through and stopped her. "Bella, stop. You don't want to go in there."

"What???" Bella was more confused than ever.

"Bells, there's been an accident. I am sorry. I don't want to be the one to tell you."

"Where's my dad? Sam? Where is he?" Bella could feel herself starting to shake. This wasn't about Edward. No. It couldn't be? No.

Sam Uley looked down, trying to compose himself. He stepped up to Bella and pulled her close. His eyes squeezed shut as the pain racked through his body. He didn't want to listen to Bella screaming in terror.


	10. ANGEL OF LIFE

**ANGEL OF LIFE**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**Okay, so I have noticed that for some reason I have been getting a little off track with it comes to the plot of my story. I think I may be writing it a little too fast and can't put the thought and attention into the details that I want. I am going to slow down the posts to give myself the proper time to do the story justice. Thank you and enjoy.**

**BTW, this is a short but necessary chapter. I hope this will help everyone understand why it is so short.**

**Fanfriends 4ever (you know who you are)**

Bella could sense things happening around her but it all felt so unreal. The world had ceased to exist. The fog around her was crushing her. She remembered things but so much was lost along with her soul.

_Being lifted into a strong cold current.....carried to the bowels of hell.....take her back to my home.....contact her mother.....find them.....we need to start searching....couldn't have gone far....nothingness....darkness.....cold current....in the house.....give her to me.....freezing blanket...easy baby I have you....._daddy._.......ssshhhh it'll all be okay....you're safe....warmth...soft comfortable warmth......never leave again....._daddy......where are you_......death surrounding...lifeless nothing......_why daddy....why

"Edward, I had no choice. We all feel the same way but she was so hysterical. Edward, you saw it for yourself, I know you did. She broke past Sam Uley. Considering the man's size I was shocked. She ran into the living room and......" Carlisle couldn't continue. "I never want to see anyone like that again. Edward, she ran. We all thought she was running from what she saw. She ran to her room. I couldn't exactly break down the door in front of all of them. Sam and his guys got the door open. She was down on the floor. All she was saying was she had no one left. She said she had lost everything. That was when I noticed the box. The drugs. She was trying to commit...."

"No, not Bella. She is too strong to do something like that." Edward shook his head refusing to listen to anymore.

"Edward, the old Bella may have been able to handle what happened. She is not the old Bella. She wanted death. She wanted to end it all. I have seen it many times in my existence. I had to sedate her. I wasn't going to stand by and let her hurt herself."

"But, Carlisle, more drugs. Her body can't handle it. She's dying. That is all drugs do to a human. Couldn't there have been another way?" Edward walked back to the bed and pulled Bella and the blanket she was wrapped in tight into his arms.

Carlisle seemed to give up the fight for the moment. He backed out of the room. Edward continued to hold Bella.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bella felt as if she was waking from a bad nightmare. She curled herself tighter into the cold she felt wrapped around her. She felt safe. As the foggy mist began to left images began to become clear.

She had pushed her way with some unseen force past Sam. She stopped in the middle of the living room. A room that she had found a new love and understanding with her father no more than two days earlier. She had seen him laying on the floor of the room. Strangely, he looked like he was sleeping. Wrapped up in a sea of blood.

Bella began to shake. She screamed and felt something holding onto her. She wanted to run. She wanted the pain to stop. She needed something to finish the cruelty that was her life.

She had lost everything now. Edward didn't want her. He left. Her father loved her. He left. Everything she ever wanted in life continued to leave her. She was alone. Alone in her pain. She wanted to be free. She needed the meadow. There she was never afraid. She knew what she had there. She had solitude from the world. She would be safe.

"Bella?" Who spoke? Her angel? Her death angel had come to grant her the one thing she wanted. Escape from the misery. Escape from the all to real pain. Had she needed to suffer so much before it would be finally over. Was that what is meant to live. To have unimaginable tortures happen and then snatch the very breath from her lungs.

"It's okay, Bella. You're safe. No more harm. No more pain." Was her angel promising that her death would be quick. Would it be painless? Would the living pain carry over to the meadow with her. Would it truly be her personal hell. Reliving the pain in a continuous cycle. One unbelievable torment after another till time ticked no more.

"I'll be here with you. I'm not leaving." Was her angel promising the one thing that everyone else had lied to her about? There was no need to believe anything her angel said. He was death. He would lie and make her believe all the pain, the heartbreak, the lies would stop. She would be torn away from the cruelty and given peace. He lied. Like the rest. He would leave her once she was in the meadow. She would continue on in the darkness. Alone.

"I'll never lie to you, never again." Her angel sounded lost. Confused. Why? Was he debating whether to continue her suffering?

Bella wanted the death to be quick. That was all she could ask. She deserved that much. Had she not suffered enough. "Please, make the pain go away. Just take me to my meadow. You won't stay. I accept my death. My loneliness. My darkness. It is what is waiting. I know and accept that as my punishment for not being strong. Just give me that one thing, my angel of death. Make the pain go away quickly. Please."

Bella could hear a cry coming from somewhere in the distance. Was it pain screaming its war cry? Was it death announcing its arrival? Would if answer her pleas? Which would win? Pain or death?

She decided that she wanted death to win. She needed it to all be over. She couldn't have what she wanted most. She wanted to be loved. Needed. Cared for. She would stare her death angel in the eyes. She would find the flames of hell staring at her. She would challenge him to take her life and end it all. The torment, the cruelty. Let her leave it behind.

She tried to look up wanting and willing herself to look death in the face. She wanted him to know that even after all that she had taking away from her she was still not afraid. She hurt, she suffered but she was not afraid. She accepted her fate and would go willingly.

Death pulled her closer. He wrapped his arms securely around her. He was like a dark winter's night. Chilling her to the bone. She knew she would never feel the warmth of her father's touch and she accepted that. She would never feel the love of her father or Edward surround her and seep into her heart and she accepted that. But the penetrating cold. Was that truly what it felt like to be dead? Was that something she could handle?

Yes. This would be the one thing death could give her. She would forever find herself wrapped in the cold. She sighed and smelled the sweetness that had been Edward. She would forever has his cold, sweet essence surround her for all time. She would cheat death of its pain. She would have some happiness amongst the anguish.

She found enough strength to push away from death. She needed to face him. She needed him to look her in the eyes and answer her. She would ask him to finish the play. Finish the suffering and pull the curtain. She would accept the little joy that death would bring.

She slowly looked up and her eyes fell onto her angel of death. Before focusing on him she asked in a determined voice, "Take my life from me. I am finished. I have nothing left."

She felt the tears threatening to weaken her request. She sheltered her face so death wouldn't see that she feared the unknown. She didn't want death to misunderstand that the tears as those of fear. She was determined to end the pain. This would be her one way to do so.

She paused, holding her breath. Why was death not answering her? Why was he prolonging the suffering? Was he gloating? He won as he always would. Death was inevitable. It happened to everyone so why is he waiting.

She heard the wail in the distance again. She wondered why pain was hurting. Did it finally realize that she had won? She was in death's grip. She would soon be free and unable to be harmed by pain's song anymore. She smiled. She had won and pain knew it.

She waited. Death would be a welcoming to her now. The war was over. Pain had lost. But she did have one regret. In her death she could still give life but it was too late. She had pushed him away. Edward. He could continue. He would live if only she had been strong enough to give herself willingly when she had been asked.

He would never take her life to save his own. She wondered why. Did he love her that much? Did he want her to have a life he never could? He fought his nature. He fought his breed. He had told her he didn't want to be a monster. If he took her life would that make him the monster he was so determined to deny.

Her angel of death replied, as if able to hear her thoughts, "He won't live one day without you. You are the best of him. You are everything he wants to be. You're strong. You're alive. You're his world whether with or without you. If you're not here, existing in this world, he doesn't want to exist either. The world would be a cold, heartless place to exist if there was no chance of you alive living happily. His misery all along has been knowing you were somewhere in the world hating him but alive and safe. He loves you. He always has. There's no denying that fact. But he won't live one more day without you. So if you die he dies." There was a pause. "And now I realize that if I die you will too, my beautiful angel of life."

Bella pushed herself away from her angel of death again. She allowed the tears to flow. She allowed the pain to leave her body on the flow of those tears. Her eyes cleared and she stared into the face of the man she would give her own life for.


	11. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

It has been brought to my attention that some people are confused about some things about my story. Without giving anything away, I would like to explain a few things to straighten out the story.

I am a recovering drug addict. As such, Chapter 3 was a dream/overdose state that Bella found herself in because of the pills she had taken to kill the pain from seeing Jasper, Alice and Carlisle. Chapter 10 was created to see within Bella's mind. The beginning was what she was aware of. The last part about the angel of death, she thought was actually happening. It wasn't. The explanation for chapter 10 is coming up in chapter 11. I can tell you that the person she believed to be the angel of death is Edward. Explanation on how he knew what she thought was actually happening in chapter 11.

I will slow down my posts so I can ensure everyone understands everything I am writing. I am sorry. I get carried away with my stories and forget that my readers can't see inside my head and completely understand what I am trying to tell them.

Please keep the reviews coming, that is what they are for. To know I am making a believable and understandable story.

Thank you all

Alice Vampire.


	12. SHARE HER PAIN

**SHARE HER PAIN**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

Bella stared into his eyes. Her angel looked down at her. His eyes were not blazing with flames as she had always thought he would. They seemed dead. They were black, a sickly black. They seemed sad in a strange way.

She was sure she had succeeded in taking her life. After the scene she had found in her father's living room, his body curled up on the floor, she had raced up to her room. She had decided in that moment she know longer wanted to live. There was nothing left for her.

"Bella. Stop. Please. You have to stop thinking that way." Her angel said in a sad low voice. He was in pain. She could see it in his troubled eyes.

She continued to stare. Life was over. It was done.

"Life is not over. Our life is just beginning again. You're not going anywhere and neither am I."

Bella realized what was wrong. This was too real. It wasn't the foggy black that always came with her nightmares of death. She was alive. She was here with him. He could hear her thoughts. Wait, he could hear her?

Bella jumped quickly from the bed. She stared down at him. "How? How is that possible?" You have never been able to do that." She screamed in anger. He had been faking that too. Had he always been able to hear her thoughts.

"No, Bella, I can't hear your thoughts normally. But I have been able to all night. Carlisle thinks it was because of the trauma. He thinks that whatever it is that makes me unable to hear you shut down. Some sort of reversal safety mechanism. I tried not to listen. Please believe me but I was scared for you."

"Edward, how much did you hear?" Bella screamed. She could feel herself shaking.

Edward rose off the bed. He walked to the opposite side of the room. He smashed his hand against the mirror, shattering it. "Everything, Bella. I'm so truly sorry my family and I made you so doubtful of yourself. I'm sorry that you fell into such a deep dark place. I will never forgive myself for that."

Bella couldn't think. She didn't trust herself enough to think. Edward could hear everything. She needed answers. If she asked the questions she wouldn't have time to think. Her mind couldn't be invaded. "Where are we?"

"A cabin in the mountains. It is the safest place for the moment."

Suddenly, there were questions screaming to be answered. "Did it all happen, Edward? Is Charlie....." She couldn't finish the words. She couldn't even think them.

"Yes, Bella. I'm so sorry."

_How? _"It was a vampire. We're not sure who but we have a couple of ideas."

_My thoughts. I still don't understand._ "Like I said, Carlisle thinks it was from the trauma of what happened. I believe that the sedation that Carlisle had to do may have weakened your ability."

_Ability? _ "I have suspected that you have a special ability. Remember when I told you that when we're reborn some of us retain the special and most prominent parts of ourselves. I think you have a special ability. You're able to shield your thoughts from the rest of the world. I think the sedative that Carlisle had to give you weaken it. Just enough that I could get in."

"Edward. Stop. Answering my questions before I actually asked them is really irritating." Bella said as she walked back to the bed.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It is something I am just accustomed to doing. Go on."

"Why would a vampire be coming after Ch....why?" Bella felt a lump growing in her throat.

Edward walked back to the bed and sat beside her, once again, wrapping his arms around her. "We think the vampire was looking for you. They came upon Charlie first. They must have decided Charlie would be a good way to get to you. But Charlie didn't go quietly. There is evidence of a struggle. A big one. He fought, Bella. He fought hard just for you."

Bella sobbed quietly in his arms. He gave his life to save mine. Which is exactly what I want to do for you. She knew Edward would hear her.

Edward pulled her tighter and continued to comfort her. Bella quickly decided to allow her memories and feelings out. It was as if she had opened a flood gate on a dam and let Edward see and feel everything that she had been through in the past two years.

She heard Edward gasp. He had been shocked and overwhelmed by the tidal wave. He had been unprepared. Every thought, every emotion, every questionable thing she had done to and with her body flooded into her head. Every decision she had made. Every hateful she had thought about him. How she felt when he left. Every lie she had told. Every single time she had felt she had failed not only him but everyone else. She showed him everything to make him understand what he had done to her. She held back one thing. She refused to allow one thing out of the gates. She wanted to hide that one thing from him. He needed to share her pain not her pleasure. She felt him freeze. Once it was over, he pulled her up so he could look into her eyes.

"I love you, Bella. I wish I could prove it to you. I failed you. I disappointed you. You were never dishonest to me. You proved to me time and time again how much my love was worth to you. How much you appreciated it. All I ever did was ask of you and you gave willingly. I see that now. I should have been stronger for the two of us. I should have realized the pain I was going to cause you in leaving. I was selfish and for that I will never be able to repair the damage.

Never doubt yourself. Never think of yourself as less than pure beauty. You are everything and more than any man, myself included, deserves. I will spend the time I have left to prove that to you if you will allow it." Edward sighed hopefully. "I promise I won't invade your privacy as long as your shield is down."

"Edward, I want you to invade it for one more moment. I need you to see something I could never put into words."

"Bella, no. I won't invade anymore. I want you to have your secrets. That is one of the exciting things about you. One of the things I love so dearly about you." He argued as he ran a finger down her cheek.

Bella couldn't feel the spark between them. It scared her. There was no connection. She decided whether he wanted to invade or not, she was in charge. She released the last of her thoughts. Her first thoughts of him all so long ago. His perfection, his beauty. She showed him how she had never been afraid of him. How memorizing he had been the day in the meadow. How loved she felt being near him. How he smelled to her. How he took her breath away. How much she had come to love him. It was undeniable, unwavering. It was all of her. She showed him how many times her humanity screamed to be with him forever.

She finally released her commitment to be his forever. How hard she had thought and weighed the decision she had finally come to. How she wanted to be like him and be his forever. How her love won out over every argument that had ever been giving about being human.

If vampires could cry, Edward would be now. "I never understood how much and the reasons why you could love me. I wish I could make you understand that you mean that much to me. My love for you never faltered. I only left because you were in too much danger. Now it is too late. I have caused you to lose someone you love just as much. And that is all because I wanted to protect you. I failed you instead. I left you and your family vulnerable. This is all my fault and I am here unable to make that vampire pay."

"Edward, you said you had an idea as to who was after me. Tell me. I need to know who took one of the men in my life away from me. I want to know who I am going to kill." Bella stated with a defiant edge to her voice. The pain was gone now. She had Edward back. He understood her now. He understood her love for him. He was guilty for what he had done to her. She was ready to forgive but she would never forget.

She was now fueled from her anger. She needed to know who had taken the life of the man who gave her life. She wanted to rip their limbs away from their body and watch their eyes scream in terror as she ripped their head from their body and threw it into the flames. She could feel her old self come roaring back. Her courage returning. She wanted revenge.

Edward stared with his mouth hung open. "Bella you sound like a vampire. Here once I was the lion and you were the lamb. Now the tables have turned. It's frightening. Is that what it is for humans? Is it that terrifying?"

Bella paused. She didn't know. She had never been afraid of him or his family. She needed to try to remember the feelings she felt with James. He was the only vampire she had ever needed to be afraid of. _Stared at him in horror......curl of nausea in the pit of...stomach.........wanted so badly to run....frozen....couldn't even flinch away.......knees began to shake.....afraid.....panic....bolted.....scrambling.....scream of agony....**_Bella felt the feelings begin to overwhelm her and she stopped thinking.

Edward gently pulled her into his lap and held her there while she started to clam down. "Bella. I never realized it was like that. I never had to experience the fear that went with the hunt. I'm sorry. It was all my fault. You suffered so much because of me. Why? Why, Bella, do you love me so?"

"Remember Edward. Remember the words that made everything complete between us. 'You are my life now." That is what we are. We are each other's life. Where one goes the other will always follow. We do whatever is necessary to protect, love and shelter the other. Do you understand. Do you finally understand what you mean to me? I can't lose you, Edward. You are all I have left now. My father...." Bella paused trying to push herself beyond that fresh, open pain. "He would have wanted it this way. He would want me to be happy. I want that to."

Edward flinched a little but enough that Bella noticed. "Edward. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Bella. It is part of being a dying vampire. Some days are good, others are not. I'm sorry for the time I wasted when we could have been together. The time we could've been loving each other and making beautiful memories for you to cherish when I'm gone."

"Edward Cullen. You're no longer allowed to speak about death around me. Not yours. I have been dead for too long to talk about it now. I have a plan. I have thought a lot about a possible solution for all of this but I need to talk to Carlisle. Edward?"

Edward was breathing but had his eyes closed. It was an even breathing as if he was sleeping. Bella twisted to face him. She felt pure emotions of shock running through her system. He was breathing. Not a vampire type breathing but a human breathing. It was even. In and out. As if his lungs fed from the air around him. His eyes were fluttering as if he were dreaming. He was asleep. Was this caused from the disease? Was this one of the symptoms?

She reached over and ran her hand down his face. She, suddenly, felt scared. The spark that they held for each other was still gone. Was the fact that he didn't sparkle or leave her feeling electrified some of the symptoms also? He felt warm. Warm under her touch. If she hadn't been looking at his face she wouldn't have believed that she was touching her Edward. His skin felt smooth. Everything about him was screaming human.

In a strange way it was a miracle. Bella felt like she had been transported back in time to before Edward's change. She felt a new appreciation for the man she loved with all her soul. He wouldn't allow her to give up her humanity but he was becoming more human before her eyes. It was strange to realize that was she was ready give away in death was giving itself to Edward in his own slow, strange death. Humanity couldn't have him back. She would find a way to give him back his life and hopefully she would be able to give him her life also.

She positioned herself against the back of the bed and gently laid his head on her lap. She ran her fingers through his carefree hair. She thought to herself about the plan she had come up with to save both their lives. She silently prayed there was a way to make it work.

She would have Edward. He would have her. And Bella would have her revenge against a still unknown vampire who destroyed what could have been a perfect world for her. She would have had everything perfect in her life except for one thing.

His family. She may have forgiven him but they still had some explaining to do. How could they care so little about her? Was she really just a toy to them? A cure for Edward. Had they not stopped to think that they had been asking Bella to die just to save him? Had they not realized that in killing her to save him they were condemning him too? He would have never forgiven himself. He would have gone off and found a way to die. They would have lost him no matter what.

Bella heard a door slowly creak open. She scrambled quickly off the bed. She found a knife hanging from the wall. She knew that if it was her mysterious vampire that a knife would never be of any use but she had to try and protect Edward at any cost. She took a step towards the door with the knife raised above her head.

As the knife came down in a slashing motion, her hand stopped in mid air. A hand held it in place. The hand was attached to the last person Bella wanted to see. Her time with Edward had been cut short. Life had a cruel sense of humor.

**Chapter 22 of 'Twilight'


	13. BELLA'S SHIELD

**BELLA'S SHIELD**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**I want to thank everyone for adding me to their story and author alerts. For adding me to their favorite story and author picks. And mostly for the encouraging reviews. It helps so much to know I have been successful in my attempts to make a complying story. **

**Thank you mostly to four extraordinary people. Soccer11, Jmarie and TheLadyKT for your honesty and support. And most importantly Katzenpfote for becoming a good friend and simply a remarkable person. You are truly a fanfriend 4ever (FF4E). **

**#1 check out Katzenpfote's story. I am so in love with the continuing story of the Cullen's (after the books). **

**#2 check out all their favorite stories. Some of them are truly imaginative.**

**Author's Note**

**I love Alice. She is my favorite character and it kills me to have to do this to her. But it, of course, was coming. Enjoy.**

Bella stared silently into the gold eyes of the little pixie standing in front of her. "Bella, please, drop the knife. I know you hate me but you still can't hurt me physically, remember?"

Bella looked above her head and watched her hand open and the knife fall to the floor. She looked back at Alice. She had changed a little in the past two years. She looked like the rest of them. Tired. Worried. Unsure.

Unsure of what? Bella. Edward. His illness. The outcome. A solution. Bella decided her time with Alice had come. She needed her say and some answers. If anyone would give them to her it would be Tinkerbell from hell.

"Funny way to describe me." Alice said with a defiant tone. Damn, Bella had momentarily forgotten about her shield being down. Hold on. Alice wasn't suppose to be able to read minds. What the hell?

"Come on, Bella. We seriously need to talk. I think your time to bitch me out has come and I, of all people, deserve your rage as much as Edward did. I have some answers and questions of my own."

Bella looked back to the bed. Edward lying there so vulnerable. She couldn't leave him. She needed to be with him, protect him. She didn't want to miss another moment with him.

"Bella, he'll be asleep for about another hour. We have time. There is no danger anywhere around." Alice said after her eyes cleared from the vision she had.

Bella looked back at Alice. She could feel the rage building up inside her again. Alice must have sensed it because her face paled more than usual and she broke eye contact quickly with Bella.

Alice stepped back through the door way and walked gracefully down the hall into a small living room. She turned to speak and then it happened.

Bella's hand landed so soundly on the little woman's face. Alice had not seen the coming. Bella hadn't planned it at all. Now she was paying for it. Her hand stung like a thousand bees had just thrown themselves into the palm of her hand.

Alice stood there stunned. What didn't think she had it in her? Or didn't have the strength to pick a fight with a vampire? Bella was being to like the idea of people could hear her thoughts. This gave her a new way of ripping into her 'once' best friend.

"Bella, I'm sorry. How many times will I have to say it before you will believe me. I never wanted to leave. I knew in the end it would not work out for Edward. He needed you as much as you needed him. Please, Bella."

"Please? You're begging me to forgive you. Fuck you, Alice. You were my best friend. I can't believe after all the talks we had you walked away without a fight. Don't tell me you did. I can't believe you. You have a gift, Alice. You can convince anyone to do what you want. You claim it is vision. I say it's a scam. You're as bad as the rest. You used me. Once I was no longer entertaining for you, you threw me away like the rest. I would have expected that from the blond bimbo but you. I never thought you would turn your back on me." Bella hissed keeping her voice even. She had no intentions of waking Edward.

"Bella, I did try. You can believe that or not. I'm the reason we're back. Why Jasper and I came looking for you. If we hadn't, think what would have happened in that field at the university. Imagine where you'd be now. You want a fight. I'll give you one, Bella. I'm not stupid. I'm not naïve. I know how much you can handle. Edward's very sick. He can't read minds as clearly as he could. That's a good thing. He would never have been able to handle the visions I began having about you. How you are truly his survival."

Bella paused for a second. She started to wonder......what was the sense. Alice would hear it. She shook her head. "Forget it, Alice. You can say anything you want. That still doesn't change anything that has happened to me. What would or could have happened in that field was a result of actions you and your family put into motion. I could have had a chance to be with Edward. I could have had a chance to live without the pain. I couldn't handle it. It was too much. Too intense. Why would you willingly let me suffer like that? Did you get your giggles from it? Was it amusing for you?"

Alice glared at Bella. "It was so far away from the feeling of amusement. I cried. I wailed the same as I did earlier. I will be woman enough to admit that. I have feelings. Emotions. The same as everyone else. I could see everything you were showing Edward. I felt the pain radiating off you as if I was the one living it. I am grateful Jasper wasn't here for it."

"Why? He couldn't handle the truth. He would need to be weakened as few more notches." Bella gritted her teeth. Still babysitting the man she claimed to love? Fuck her.

"No, Bella. I'm glad he wasn't here because I got the full extent of your feelings. I could fully understand what we had done to you. He would have tried to protect me from those raw emotions. He is very protective of me as I'm sure you know. You can relate to that. Look at you now. You know Edward is in trouble and you were ready to protect him in a unwinnable battle. You were willing to give your life to try to protect him. That is what Jasper would have done for me. I'm glad he wasn't here. I needed to suffer with all the pain, the doubt, the heartbreak, the raw wounds you let Edward see. I needed to understand more than the rest. I was, am, still your best friend. I deserved every bit of it and so much more than Edward."

"Okay, Miss Thing. Explain something to me. How am I Edward's survival? How would you have known anything before finding me? I only came up with the idea a few days ago. You couldn't have scammed that idea and made it your own?" Bella said calmly as she walked over to the couch.

Alice followed Bella and sat beside her, carefully taken her hand. "You came up with the idea. That is where the vision came in. Once we learned that the vampire's singer was the cure, I began wrapping myself in my visions of you. They hurt Edward in so many ways.

He saw everything. Everything you did to yourself. The drugs included. He was in his own personal hell. He and I argued so much about my interference but I continued to force the visions. I needed to play out the scenarios. I needed to know if there was one that could save him and you at the same time. I wanted you back and I knew he did too. He's always been honest with you, Bella. You are his life and if you died he would find a way to die also.

There are others out there who would do that. I've seen some visions about that too. They're scenes that will haunt me forever. But they always had one outcome. His death. I needed to stop that from happening. I saw what it would do to you when you found out. What it would do to our family. For everyone I needed to find a solution for everyone.

Finally, I stumbled on this path. The one were you found the solution. I can't read if it will work. That I can't determine. There is no way to envision that future but I knew then that this was the path we had to go. It was at point Jasper and I came looking for you. I knew how hard this was going to be for you, him, for everyone but it had to be done. I saw your future as it was a few weeks ago. I couldn't let my best friend hurt herself the way you were. I needed to be strong enough to intervene.

To start the path. To force this future to go in this direction it has. I knew what it meant for everyone. For you I never told any of them what they were in for. I respected and loved you enough to let you have your time with them. They needed to understand how you felt and how their decision had influenced you. Now it is my turn. I deserve your hate. I know that but I hope someday you will find it in yourself to forgive me too."

Bella had so many thoughts running through her mind. She didn't no where one stopped and the another started. She still had questions. She still needed answers.

"Ask, Bella. I will answer them." Alice said softly.

Bella turned her head slightly. "Fuck off, Alice. Stay the hell out of my head. How can you read my thoughts anyways? You're not suppose to read thoughts like Edward."

"Sorry, Bella, but I am not reading your thoughts. You're projecting them. This 'shield' as Edward calls it...it's like...your thoughts are being pushed into my mind. It is quite unsettling. I wish you would stop it." Alice looked directly into Bella's eyes.

"I am forcing....what....how? How can I stop this? I want my privacy back."

"Bella, I've never seen anything like this before. I don't know how to stop it."

"Maybe I can't help. If that's what's going on." A voice came from behind them.

"Edward." Bella jumped up and ran to him. He looked terrible. The circles under his eyes were a dark bluish purple. More so than if he hadn't feed in a few weeks. His cheeks were sunk in and his usually sparkling gold eyes were dead. The color was gone. They were almost a greenish gold. His human color was starting to pour though.

"Thanks." Edward said wincing at the mental image and allowed Bella to walk him to the couch.

"Oops, sorry." Bella replied realizing that he had received her thought.

"It's fine, Bella. It's the truth and for once someone is being honest with me about how I look." He said with a stern look at Alice.

Alice sheepishly bowed her head as she assisted Bella in making Edward comfortable. How long had the family been sheltering him from the truth? She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

"Too long." Alice answered anyways.

Bella looked at Edward and thought back to their day in the meadow and how strangely alive he had looked compared to now. She saw them both flinch.

"Okay, this is getting really annoying. Can we please make it stop now?" Bella sighed.

"Bella, you need to do what I do when I refuse to listen to people's thoughts. You need to pull everything back. I think Alice has it wrong to a point. You are not pushing your thoughts out. I think you have us trapped inside your shield. You need to pull it back into you."

"How? How do I do what you do?" Bella was almost pleading for the relief of her privacy back.

Edward understood what she needed. No shield was needed for that. He paused thinking about how he would do it.

"I've never tried to explain how I do it but I'll try. I concentration on my ability. I focus on my own thoughts. My own emotions. I think about myself and only myself. I don't let anything in. I don't think about what their thoughts are, what they're doing or how they're acting. I concentrate only on me. Try it."

Bella closed her eyes and focused on herself. Her thoughts. She thought about her emotions and how she was feeling. The pain. The joy. The easy feeling of how she felt being here. Being safe.

"Bella, no, just you. Don't think anything that involves anyone else. Not in the slightest." Edward's voice whispered in her ear.

"It's hard to do when all I can do is smell you, think about you. Your in my every waking thought. Every conscious thought." Bella breathed.

"Okay, Edward, this isn't going to work with you here. She's too in tune to with you and her emotions when you're around. Let me take her to the woods. Just a little ways that you can't influence her and I'll try this with her." Alice hissed. She wasn't being hurtful with her words just truthful.

For the next hour Bella and Alice worked on reigning in Bella's shield. Edward had gone back to bed for the sake of Bella's sanity. She needed to know he was safe and secure to get him out of her mind.

Bella and Alice strolled into the bedroom and found Edward again asleep curled up in a blanket. He had the material pulled up to his nose and was breathing in the scent Bella had left on it.

"Bella, he truly loves you. You know that, right?" Alice smiled slightly.

"I know, Alice. I have forgiven him for everything but the trust is still a long ways from where it was." Bella sighed.

"And me? How do you feel towards me?"

Bella looked at Alice, thankfully she had her privacy again. Either way, Alice would hear the truth whether she wanted it or not. "I don't know, Alice. I can't quite forgive yet. That will take time but I am willing to let the anger go. The trust. I'm not sure if you or the rest of the family will ever be able to regain that."

Alice hung her head. "I thought as much. The forgiveness I will accept with gratitude when you decide I deserve it. I'll prove to you that you can trust me again, Bella. I will prove to you that I'll never hurt you again. I think it's sleep time for the human. Go, get some sleep. I'll be scouting the perimeter for any signs."

Bella nodded, walked over and crawled carefully onto the bed. She wrapped an arm around Edward and stared into his face until sleep took her over.


	14. THE TRIP

**THE TRIP**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**This chapter is short but necessary. Big chapter coming.**

Edward swore to Alice he was strong enough to carry Bella. His protectiveness of her had been an instinct and that would never change.

Bella locked her hands tighter around Edward's neck as he ran. She kept her head down focusing on his back. She couldn't afford to have her queasiness take over and make her vulnerable for him now. He was weaker than he was willing to admit. She knew it. She could sense it. Her heart knew this man too well for him to hide his illness from her.

Everything had moved in slow motion. Bella had been sound asleep in Edward's arms. He had shaken her awake in a hastened panic. He hadn't said a word, just thrown a jacket at her and pulled her onto his back. He had moved swiftly to the living room and spoke quickly and quietly to Alice.

Bella knew they were speaking but couldn't make out a lot of the words. A few of them had hit her ears. Things like vampire, safety, escape. She knew from the look on Alice's face and the way she shifted her eyes from Edward to Bella that they had been discussing who needed to get Bella away from the cabin. Who had the best chance to keep her safe.

Of course Edward had won the argument not that it had been long. Whoever the vampire had been must have been close cause Edward had quickly looked at Bella and told her to tuck herself in as much as she could. Bella couldn't understand at the time why but when Edward had gone through the window, closed window, smashing the glass she had understood.

Edward ran for so long that Bella could feel her arms cramping. The tinkling from lack of circulation had began to burn. Bella was wearing the jacket Edward had thrown at her but without it being done up her chest was exposed to Edward's skin. Even with his sickness, Edward's body temperature was still low enough that long exposure to it would eventually chill her to the bone. Bella wasn't sure how much more she could take.

She felt the wind around her begin to slow. And as she was about to raise her head she heard Edward say, as the wind caught the words and blew them past her, "Bella, hold on, I'm passing you over to Emmett."

Bella looked up in time to see a tree whip past her head. She screamed sharply and simultaneously she tucked her head in and was swung from Edward to Emmett. She found the courage to look up again. Her eyes denied what she saw.

Edward was breathing hard. He was running slightly slower than Emmett. She knew because Emmett was pulling away from him. Edward's illness was effecting him more than he had been willing to admit to her and she was suddenly anger with him again.

The three continued to run for what Bella felt was forever. She had lost sense of time but knew it was near morning as the sky was beginning to go from a jet black to a pale blue. She wished the trip would be over. She needed to know what was going on. She wanted to know who had been coming for her and why. Her questions seemed to be endless these days and she needed answers.

She found it harder to hang onto Emmett. He was much more massive than Edward and her arms were barely long enough to hug his neck. She tried to adjust her legs for a better grip. She felt herself slip and her heart skipped a beat. Just as she was about to scream she felt her body being pulled around the huge stone man. He tucked her into his arms without missing a stride.

Bella looked up into the face of the man carrying her. She saw a determined set on his face. Realizing that she was looking up at him, he glanced down at her. She scanned his eyes for any information she could get instead his eyes sparkled at her telling her that she was safe. She received no more information.

Bella continued to glance around but for most of the trip was in darkness as she kept her eyes shut tight. She couldn't afford the dizziness that she knew would soon accompany her if she didn't. She worked on relaxing her arms to relieve the burning pain hanging from Edward and Emmett's necks had caused.

She could hear the wind around her quietly become silent and poked her head up into time to see Edward looking at her gesturing ahead. She shifted her eyes to look where Edward was pointing. She could see a small settlement coming upon them as they crested the hill they had been climbing.

Bella had no clue where they were but realized this was their destination. When they came to the top of the hill the two men slowly to a walk and then stopped to put Bella on her feet. As Emmett let her go, Edward's arms took over. He had obviously remembered Bella's trip like this in the past. She needed a moment to gather herself. Being both klutzy and unsteady from the trip would normally made Emmett laugh. But there was a strange seriousness coming from him.

"Bella, listen to me. I want you to walk between us. Don't look up. Don't make eye contact with anyone. Don't react to any questions, comments or sounds. This is a dangerous place for humans and I am in no shape to fight. Do you understand?" Edward stared at her. His face was determined.

She knew that she couldn't argue with him. Wherever they were he needed her to listen to him exactly. She was definitely terrified. Edward would never bring her to such a dangerous place if the danger behind them wasn't worse. Who the hell was this vampire chasing her? Who was it that wanted her so badly?

With Edward and Emmett flanked on either side of her, Bella felt like a princess with her personal guards protecting her. She kept her eyes down letting them lead her. She could see the ground turn from a grassy trail to a small dirt road. She tried to concentrate on anything other than the sounds around her but found it impossible.

She could hear shuffling coming from someone other than the three of them. Someone or something had made a sound. Bella couldn't tell if it was a human voice or something else. Suddenly she heard an unearthly sound. She was so petrified but held her course and allowed herself no change in her pace.

She felt them change direction and saw that they had stepped onto a cobbled stone walkway. She felt herself being pulled into a stop. She listened to one of them knock on a wooden door she assumed.

She had been right. She heard a door creak as it was pulled open and they started to move again. She heard again the door close and Edward pull her to a chair and sit her down.

He put his hand under her chin, pulling her face up so she was looking into his eyes. "Bella? Are you okay?"

Bella nodded slightly. She was confused. She wanted to ask where she was and what was so dangerous in this place.

As if hearing her thoughts, Edward answered, "Bella, we are in a village that is far into the mountains. It is the one place a vampire would never dare come to."

"But, Edward, you....." Bella slowly started to speak, still afraid.

"Bella, the family is safe here. It is a long story and we don't have time to discuss it now. Ask me again sometime. For the moment all you need to know is you are safe within this house. You can't go outside. Promise me." He was completely serious and needed her to take this seriously.

Bella nodded and very slowly willed her body to look around her. She saw the inside of the room and found it to be normal. There was a TV in the corner, chairs and a couch, pictures on the walls and a bookshelf with numerous books scattered on its shelves.

She looked up further when a movement caught her eye. She found herself staring into the blazing red eyes of the largest dog she had ever seen.


	15. THE TEARS AND THE ANGER

**THE TEARS AND THE ANGER**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**For those who waited so patiently for Bella to say the words, here it is.**

Bella laid with her head on Edward's shoulder. She watched the sky outside the window turn from a pitch black to a turquoise blue. In the last 24 hours, Bella had learned more information than her mind had been able to process. She took the time that she had, since Edward was asleep again, to sort everything out.

While Edward had been speaking to three very large dark dogs, Bella had taken the time to speak to Emmett. He had explained in his own way that no one had ever intended for harm to come to Bella. They had known about the cure for Edward's disease but when Alice had told them there was a possible solution without harm to anyone, they had trusted Alice. She hadn't told them of the plan and Bella said for the moment she thought it best for none of them to know.

Bella knew, after thinking about it, Edward would still try to protect her and would reject her plan. She couldn't take the chance that Edward would read the others thoughts and find out the plan. Bella gave a message to Emmett to tell Carlisle that she needed to speak to him as soon as the present crisis was over.

Bella had continued to gather information from Emmett. She needed to know about Edward's condition. Since Carlisle and the others weren't here to watch over him, she would need to know the progress of the symptoms. She needed to know how far Edward's illness had gotten. How much he had been holding back.

Emmett had explained that the more the disease progressed the more Bella would notice human characteristics emerge. His body temperature would raise to what would be a small fever for a human. His human features would emerge. His eyes would become green, his skin would become pink, his face would not be so sharp. Edward would start to lose his vampire speed, smell, sight. He would begin to breath constantly not just while sleep, which was another symptom.

Emmett hadn't want to scare Bella and refused more information. Bella remembered vividly the look on Emmett's cold face when Bella threatened him. She had told him that if he didn't tell her everything, Bella would be forced to tell Alice that Emmett had agreed to a shopping spree in New York. Bella knew it wasn't possible for vampires to faint but Emmett had that type of look on his face.

He had told Bella that she was cruel and had laughed his 'Emmett belly laugh', which had earned him a confused look from the beings in the kitchen.

Emmett had told Bella that Edward hadn't been able to feed in almost 6 months. Bella was horrified. The pain that Edward would be suffering having Bella around would most likely be excruciating. His vampire instincts would be screaming to drink. She loved Edward more in the moment.

He was in constant battle with himself. He wanted to feed, knew he could but it would result in her death. His love for her made his suffering worse. She needed to end his pain as soon as possible.

Shortly after speaking to Emmett, he had claimed he needed to was going back to help hunt for the vampire threatening Bella. Bella had still not found out who was doing this or why. Bella had heard Emmett say something to Edward about the smell making his toes curl. Bella had been confused till Edward had explained it.

She had gone to the kitchen and met Lila. She was an older plump woman who was one of the elders within the village. She and Bella spoke for a while about the village and its occupants. Bella had learned about the hidden terrors in Edward's world. Werewolves, the Volturi and the most secretive of them all. The hellhounds.

Bella had learned about them and their myths in school. Hellhounds stood guard to the gates of hell. They were very large dogs with red eyes that blazed with the fire from hell. Most of the dogs were black in color. They had super strength and speed like vampires but unlike werewolves they couldn't transform. Hellhounds were 'naturally' protectors and as such anyone within their charge was as safe as a baby cradled in its mother's arms. The myth was that looking at a hellhound three times would result in death. Bella had been relieved to hear that.

Lila had told her that some of the hounds could speak. Bella had asked why she had been walked into the village in such a manner. Lila had explained that one of the facts about hellhounds left out of the myths was that hellhounds fed on humans. However, if a human was non-threatening they would be ignored and allowed to pass. Bella had been paraded amongst the pack so they could catch her scent and know she was off limits due to a life debt. Bella had asked what a life debt was but never received an answer.

Lila and Bella had spent the day in the kitchen making food for the hounds. They were dogs in an ways except for the way they ate. Because they refused their nature and didn't feed on humans, for the most part, the ate food the same as everyone else. Bella had hidden her amusement at watching three huge dogs squeeze into the tiny kitchen and eat like humans at the table.

Bella felt Edward move under her and snapped back to the present. She turned her head slightly. He was staring down at her with his beautiful crooked smile. She looked in his eyes. They had more of a peacock green now rather than his vibrant gold. She missed his eyes.

Edward raised his hand and traced one finger down her cheek and across her lips. She gently kissed his finger still looking into his eyes. Edward moved his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her towards him. He pressed his lips to hers. Bella ran her hand up his chest, over his neck and let it rest on his cheek. When she was no longer able to breathe he pulled away.

Bella fell exhausted while a smile crept across her face. She was happy. Even in all the turmoil surrounding her, Edward always found a way to make everything better. She loved him for being himself. He was overprotective, self-preserving, stubborn yet gentle and loving at the same time. He was very confusing and Bella would spend the rest of her life trying to figure him out.

"What are you thinking?" His voice singing. Of all the things his disease was taking from him, Bella was glad he still had his voice.

"I was thinking how much....." Bella paused. She had told him she'd forgiven him but was she ready to give her heart, soul and love back to him completely. She looked into his eyes again. If she said the words she would be giving him her trust again. Could she afford to make herself vulnerable to him that way again. "I love you."

Edward pulled her into his arms and held her tight. She could feel him breathing heavily. She could hear it. She pulled back slightly. The shock on her face made him jump from the bed. He was crying. True, real human tears. She raced after him and stood in front of him and smiled.

"You love me that much." She said as she wiped the tears that were falling down his beautiful face.

"Bella, I would do anything in the world for you. I would give my life for you." He said with a stiff voice.

"Don't talk like that. Please, Edward, there has to be a way." She held back from him. She knew what his answer would be to her plan and she couldn't allow him to take away the chance away. "I know there is a way. We will find it."

Edward pulled her close and held her for a long time. There was a knock on the door interrupting the moment. Edward growled lowly.

"You can always count on Tinkerbell." Edward said with an exasperated sigh.

"I heard that. Bella, remind me to make you pay for that nickname." Shrilled a voice from the other side of the door. "I'm thinking a week long shopping spree to New York maybe."

Bella dropped her head. "God, she can be very annoying for someone so tiny."

Edward laughed and led the two of them from the room. Bella's stomach decided to take on a mind of its own and announced their entrance into the kitchen.

Lila looked out of the corner of her eye, "Sounds like someone needs breakfast."

Bella's cheeks darken with an apple red, "Yea, as I have been told many times, breakfast time for the human. Lila, can I help?"

"No, my dear, sit. Esme and I have everything under control."

Breakfast past with a sense of normality. After cleaning up everyone gathered in the living room to come up to speed on everything that was happening.

Carlisle took charge of the meeting. It was only natural. "Okay so there are things some people know and some that others don't so let's start from the beginning. Over two years, Bella moved to Forks and found herself involved with Edward and our family. Three vampires came upon us one day. James, the leader, was a tracker. He found Bella's blood intoxicating similar to Edward's pull to her. He wanted her and when Edward defended her it became a game for him. That is a thrill for trackers and Bella had become the prize. In the end James was destroyed.

There was a complication to this situation. Victoria, one of the other vampires, had been James' mate. She has decided to take revenge on Edward and Bella. The third vampire, Laurent, has since been killed. Before his death he informed us that she has her reasons for her revenge on both Edward and Bella but killing Bella will give her the revenge on both of them.

Edward killed her mate. 'Mate for mate'. She is more anger with Bella in a very sick way. She believes that if Bella didn't exist that her blood wouldn't have sang for James. She blames Bella for James' death. She believes that Bella is unnatural and needs to be destroyed for that.

As I'm sure everyone has come to realize Bella is an extraordinary human. She has been able to handle our world with a strength that surpasses most humans. She deserves our protection not just because she is with Edward but because she is special to all of us."

Bella could feel everyone's eyes fall on her and she tucked herself tighter into Edward's side. He put his arm around her and held her protectively. This had to come to an end quickly. She needed safety. Not only for her sanity but also for Edward's life. None of them realized how much Edward's life hung in the balance with hers.

Bella breathed in and asked with a steady voice, "What's the plan, Carlisle? How can we resolve this?"

Bella caught eyes with Carlisle and silently asked the true question. How could they resolve this situation quickly enough to focus on saving Edward's life? He must have understood. He gave her a quick smile, shifting his eyes to Alice and back. Bella looked inconspicuously towards Alice. She was watching Bella. She had been waiting for Bella to look. She gave a small smile making sure Edward was unaware of the unspoken conversation.

Bella felt a heavy weight lift from her heart as she realized that the plan was coming together to save Edward. She listened intently how the family planned to save her from Victoria's rage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bella found herself on traveling on the back of one of the hellhounds. Traveling with their little pack was Esme, Jasper and Rosalie. She never expected to find her life being protected by the blond woman. Rosalie had never liked Bella. She could tell there was something different in the way Rosalie treated her but couldn't put her finger on what it was.

They had decided that Edward was not strong enough to be in the middle of the fight. With the whole family in agreement and arguing with Edward, it had been decided that he would remain in the village. Lila had promised Bella that she would allow no harm to come to him. She would keep a constant watch on him.

Bella knew it was killing Edward to be left behind. Two reasons. One, he couldn't fight. Two, he was once again separated from from her. Bella knew Edward's disease was more of a hindrance to them than if he was there to fight. He had put up a good fight but in the end lost the vote.

Bella was on the run again. The idea was to take her in many different directions to confuse Victoria as to their true course. Once they had lost her, they would return Bella to Edward. There had been another fight about Bella going on the trip but after this had failed with James it was the only way. Victoria had to see Bella leave the village to take the bait. And that she had.

Jasper could feel her anger behind them. "It's strong like like the sun. She feels a lot of anger and is feeding from it."

Bella kept a straight face but her heart pounded a little harder. Rosalie reached over and took Bella's hand. Bella's face went blank. She wasn't sure if she was shocked or already dead. She looked at the woman and saw a hint of life behind the eyes.

Bella knew she would need to have a heart to heart with Rosalie when this was over. Something had definitely changed and she needed to know what. Bella silently signaled to Rosalie that she was grateful for the protection. She wasn't sure if Rosalie understood until she squeezed Bella's hand lightly.

Bella let her head fall back into the hellhound's fur. It was much softer than she would have ever imagined. It was like puppy fur. For a massive hound it was like laying in a field of feathers. It was a strange contrast between the look and the feel. She could feel the heat radiating from his body. She was warmer than she had been in a long time. She had, strangely, found comfort in the middle of chaos. She settled in knowing that this run would eventually lead her back to the safety of her love's arms.

Sometime later, she found herself jolted awake. The sun was gone. It was black. She looked around to find them running through a valley within the confines of the mountains. She saw the trees all around her. She felt she knew this place. She had been here before. She looked up to the sky and found the stars twinkling as they danced through the black moonless night.

She felt herself being thrown. She landed with a hard thud to the ground. Dazed, she shook her head. She could hear people scrambling around her but in the pitch black she couldn't make sense of what was happening.

Suddenly, she was being jerked off the ground and thrown onto another back. This one was vampire. But she felt the hair of the hellhound waving across her face. She hung on for her life still confused. She couldn't make out who had her but they continued to run.

A short time past and Bella felt a hand reaching for her arm. As the vampire began to slow, she felt her body being lifted and thrown through the air. She landed hard against a tree, knocking the wind from her lungs. She gasped shocked at the assault.

As her head began to clear, she looked for the source of the assault. Crouched no more than five feet away from her was the devil. Flaming red hair flowing around a face of anger. Victoria threw her head back and cackled.


	16. BREAKING POINT

**BREAKING POINT**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**I'm sorry this chapter is very short and FanFiction went down and I had issues uploading the chapter.**

**I want to apologize first for this chapter. I am not very good with fight scenes like this and am very disappointed with this chapter. Please R&R. While FF had issues with uploads I have gone back through the chapter but still not happy with it.**

Bella screamed as Victoria dragged her by her hair through the bushes. The woman hadn't said a word. The pain tore through Bella as she felt herself being swung around and smashed into a rock wall of the mountain.

Victoria stepped forward and brought the heel of her boot down on Bella's hand. Bella screeched as the stake puncture through the skin. Victoria smiled in victory. She wanted control. Wanted to find Bella's breaking point and was going to make her suffer physically to do it.

Victoria sneered down at Bella enjoying the pain she was inflicting. She leaned down and yanked Bella up again dragging her further up the mountain. She pulled Bella over the jagged rocks which sliced through Bella's back.

Through the pain Bella started to think. She needed to figure a way to get herself out of this. She knew that if Victoria had managed to get her away from a hellhound and three vampires, she would be able to hide herself from them easily. Bella needed to fend for herself. She couldn't expect help from anyone else. They would never be able to find them.

Victoria threw Bella towards another rock wall. She rammed her foot into the pit of Bella's stomach forcing her into a small opening in the wall. Bella curled up into a ball. She whimpered softly but didn't reach the breaking point Victoria was looking for.

Bella wasn't sure when she passed out but woke up feeling herself being dragged. She struggled only to feel a hand smash down across her face. Her head jerked back and she felt her hair ripping from her head. She let out a blood-curdling scream.

The pain that racked her body was overwhelming. Bella felt herself again being flung through the air and against a tree. She heard something snap and someone scream. She realized with clarity that it was her voice that was making the scream.

As Bella's vision cleared she looked around wondering where she was. She felt every section of her body scream in pain and knew she wasn't in good shape. She took the chance she had to assess the damage Victoria had inflicted on her.

Her face was badly beaten. As she ran her hand over her face, she could feel the swelling forming around her eyes. Her lip was cut and bleeding. She was certain she had a concussion due to the throbbing pulse inside her head.

She slowly moved her legs and winced. Her leg was definitely broken. She felt her ribs rubbing together as she winced and the excruciating pain nearly made her pass out. She knew she was in a lot of trouble. She wouldn't be able to take much more. Victoria was obviously holding back. She would have been able to kill her with only one blow and yet Bella was still alive.

As Victoria strutted towards Bella, Bella sucked in a deep breath. She felt like she was suffocating. It took only a second for Bella to realize she was drowning in her own blood. Somewhere along the way, Victoria had managed to puncture a lung. She edged herself further back into the small confined space.

"So, human, you are still hanging on. If you're waiting for your lover to find you, you're diluting yourself. They were never able to sense me coming for you and now they will never find us. Your life is mine now." Victoria announced as she brought her face within inches of Bella. "I own you now and will make you and Edward suffer for what you did to James."

"Does it hurt? I can hear the blood flowing around within your stomach. It must be very painful. Now you know how James felt." Victoria snapped her teeth at Bella while slamming her knee down on Bella's chest.

Bella tried to turn her face and for it she felt a brick come down across her jaw. It hadn't been a brick but Victoria's fist. Bella felt everything blur as her body fall to the ground. At that point, everything around her went black as she passed out.

Bella woke again. This time she was inside another cave. She looked around and suddenly met a kick land on her back. She wailed as her ribs rippled against each other. She finally gave Victoria the victory she had been looking for. She sobbed openly.

"Good, now you will feel the pain I felt. I'm not James. He loved fucking with the emotions. He made a game of it. Me, I would rather watch my prey scream. Beg for their lives. Do that for me, human," Victoria hissed as she brought her foot down, smashing it against Bella's shattered leg.

Bella felt the continuous numbness washing over her body. She was sure, as she looked towards the entrance of the small cave, that she was hallucinating. She decided she was seeing the shadows of death coming for her. There was no one coming to her rescue. How could they? Victoria had kept Bella on the move whether awake or out cold.

Bella accepted her fate and turned to face Victoria. She could feel her body giving out on her. She knew there was nothing that could be done to save her. Bella gave up. "Kill me. Do it. Have your revenge."

Bella closed her eyes and tried to picture Edward smiling at her. Maybe there would be an afterlife where she and Edward would be together and happy. Bella felt a hand wrap around her throat and squeeze just enough to cut the air from reaching her one working lung. Everything began to go black as Bella's head flopped to the side.

"Oh no, human. I couldn't be more happy to do it but you need to suffer so much more than I have done so far. I want your body to show the pain you suffered when I dispose of your body on their doorstep." Victoria's eyes sparkled vividly as she mentally pictured the image.

Bella felt her body being thrown against another wall. She slumped down waiting for death to find her. Bella suddenly heard voices and forced her eyes to open. In what seemed like slow motion, Victoria's head turned to stare at Bella and then shock crossed over it. Somehow someone, Bella didn't know who, had managed to find their way into the cave.

Bella pushed herself as far back into the cave as possible and desperately looked for a place to hide. As she turned back, Victoria's head landed without warning at Bella's feet. Bella took one look at the disturbingly dead red eyes staring up at her. After that Bella remembered nothing except the sound of her scream.


	17. SAVE HIM

**SAVE HIM**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**Some of you will love me and some will hate me by the time this chapter is over. Enjoy. There will be one chapter after this. I will be posting a poll once the last chapter is up.**

Bella awoke to the wind racing through her hair. She moved her head slightly to see what was happening. That was a mistake. The pain tore through her neck and shoulder causing her to scream.

"Bella, try to remain still. We're getting you back to Carlisle as fast as we can."

Bella looked up with her eyes. Barely able to see through the swollen tissue she could see Emmett's face. He was worried. It was written all over his face. The speed he was going seemed incredibly fast even for him.

She then swung her eyes towards the movement beside him and found Rosalie jumping swiftly over an unseen object before settling back into a steady race. Rosalie looked over briefly, smiling apologetically at Bella.

Bella began to wonder. Was she that bad off? Was she hurt so badly that even Rosalie, the most self-centered being on the planet, would unlock her dead heart for a moment. She was going to die. There was no sense in them denying her that truth. She could feel it. Her body was racked with pain both on the inside and out.

Bella had so many questions that needed answers. What Victoria dead? How had they found her? Where was everyone else? Edward, was he okay? She wanted and needed answers. The biggest question of all, as the pain rippled beneath her skin, was if she was going to make it?

She realized she was bleeding internally. There was no need for a doctor to tell her that. She could feel it. Her breathing was coming in small, quick pants. The pain tore through her every time she tried to catch her breath.

She felt for Emmett. She now understood what he had gone through as Rosalie had raced through the woods that day so long ago. His pain he must have been going through after the bear attack. The questions he must have had as he watched the most beautiful creature in the world racing against time. Against her nature, trying to save his life.

She was dying. They were scared. She wasn't ever going to see Edward again. She would die without telling him one last time how much he and his family meant to her. How much she loved him even through his absence. She fought the pain. She had learned to fight over the past few years and now needed to fight harder for her life.

She felt the sun rising behind them. She was suddenly dazzled by the millions of twinkling diamonds glowing around her. She relaxed as much as she could and concentrated on Rosalie and Emmett's skin rather than the pain.

Somewhere along the race home, Bella had passed out again. She felt the pain jolt through her as she was carefully laid on a soft bed. She could hear angels speaking around her and as her head cleared she realized it wasn't angels but the sweet musical tones of the family talking.

She could hear the tension in their voices and then silence. She strained to hear anything. But it was agonizing silence and nothing more. Taking her by surprise, Bella felt pain rip through her midsection. The pain was so intense she felt she was being torn in half.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I know it's painful but I need to get a sense of the problems we're facing. I will give you something for the pain but I need you awake and aware to help me. You need to tell me where it hurts the most." Carlisle said with as much pain in his voice as Bella had running through her body.

The next 15 minutes could only be described as being skewered by a large stake, placed in the middle of an ice storm, gasoline being poured over open wounds and lit on fire. She knew her screaming would be torture on everyone within ear shot but she couldn't find the strength to spare them.

"Bella, I'm giving you something to sleep. I'll do everything I can for you. I'll make the pain go away, I promise." Carlisle said as he brought his face within Bella's view.

He was telling her the truth. After a sharp pain in her arm, which of course was nothing compared to the agony she had endured so far, she felt the pain slowly seeping away. She felt herself getting weak. She felt her eyelids drooping as unconsciousness began to take hold.

Bella opened her mouth trying to speak, now that she wasn't screaming in horrible pain. The drugs Carlisle had given her were working their magic too quickly and before she could ask where Edward was, she blacked out.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bella slowly opened her eyes. She, at first, couldn't remember anything. She couldn't think about what had happened, where she was or how she had gotten wherever she was. She felt detached from her body but aware of the feelings around her at the same time. She could feel pressure on her one unhurt hand. Things slowly started to creep into her conscious thought as the memories began to flood back.

She tried to turn her neck and found herself immobilized. She tried to speak and found her throat raw from the screaming. She tried to move some part of her body to know she was alive and felt no movement.

"Easy, Bella. Carlisle has temporarily paralyzed you. You're in bad shape." a heavenly voice spoke quietly in her ear.

Bella looked through the hazy fog clouding her vision and saw the motherly look radiating off of Esme.

With a hoarse whisper Bella asked, "Where's Edward?"

"Bella, sweetheart. Don't worry about Edward. You worry about yourself." Esme's voiced wavered at the mention of her son.

Bella knew something was wrong. Esme was strong. She was stronger than anyone gave her credit for but at this moment the strength had been washed away with true fear. Fear of what? Was Edward dead? No, it couldn't be true. It couldn't happen to him.

"Esme, don't lie to me. I've had enough lying from this family. What's going on? Where's Edward?" Bella squeaked.

"Bella, please. Worry about yourself right now. Everything will be alright." She lied again. Esme couldn't even look her in the eye.

"Why does everyone feel the need to lie and protect me? Where is Edward?" Bella was getting angry and looked Esme directly in the eyes.

"Bella, I can't do this. Please, just please......" Esme cried unseen tears. She turned away from Bella.

Bella felt her world fall out from under her. She couldn't bring herself to belief what her eyes were telling her. It couldn't be true. There was no way it this could be happening. "No, he can't be. Please, Esme, he can't be." Bella choked on her words. Her heart started to thump through her chest.

Esme flew against Bella with ease and grace. She tenderly wrapped her arms around Bella. Bella felt anguish flow from the cold woman.

"Bella, no, dear, he's not. He....he fell into a coma a few hours ago. It won't be long." Esme whispered. Pulling back enough that Bella could see her eyes. To know she was been honest and truthful.

"I need Carlisle. Please, Esme, get him for me." Bella felt her heart tear into pieces.

Moments later Carlisle was by her side. He treated her as a patient and immediately checked her pulse. Her breathing. Her heart rate. He checked the IV that was attached to her arm.

"Carlisle, please tell me there is still time. I know Alice told you. She had to tell you the plan. Please tell me it is possible." Bella pleaded in a broken voice.

"Bella, you won't survive. Edward found out what you planned on doing. He gave us specific instructions not to let you do it. You......" Carlisle couldn't finish the words.

"What? What about me? I don't care. I won't live without him. I can't do it. I am strong. Strong enough to save him but not too live without him. I'll survive for him." Bella tried to convince them as much as herself.

"Bella, a total blood transfusion won't work. If you weren't so hurt, maybe, but now. Bella, I'm sorry but I can't do anything more for you." Carlisle softly spoke.

It took a human moment for the words to sink in. 'Anything more for you'. He had been talking about her not Edward. She couldn't be. No, she couldn't be. Not both of them. The family was going to lose them both. Him to a vampire disease and her to a vampire.

"I'm. Dying." Bella said in a small whisper. "No. I feel better. How is this possible? It can't be happening. You're wrong, Carlisle. You have to be wrong. I can't be."

"Your internal injuries are too severe. I'm sorry, Bella, we're going to lose you both unless you allow us to change you." Carlisle said in a broken voice.

Bella knew what he was saying. He was willing to lose Edward to save her. Was it too late for Edward? No, it couldn't be Carlisle's decision. Edward made Carlisle promise to save her. He was given his life for hers. He was giving her the one thing she had ever won't. She'd never thought of having eternal life without him. No, she couldn't survive without him.

"No, no, no. I won't let you do it. I have the right to chose. I have a say in this too. Save him. I won't survive without him. I can't live forever without him. Carlisle, try the plan. Listen, please. It will work. It has to." Bella pleaded. She wouldn't give up without a fight. There had to be a way.

Bella felt her heart skip and the pain returned. She sucked in a ragged breath and felt the jolt run through her body. She could feel herself dying. She could feel the inevitable and she had no way to stop it.

"Bella, relax, please." Alice declared as she floated quickly into the room. She came and rested herself at the head of the bed. As she ran her hand over Bella's hair trying to comfort her, she spoke to Carlisle in a quick voice.

Bella couldn't make out what was being said but silently prayed that Alice was defending her quest. She watched as Carlisle argued, shaking his head in defeated misery. Alice pressed the conversation. Carlisle's eyes switched back and forth between Alice and Esme. Esme's face began to show hope. Bella relaxed a little as she realized there might be a chance.

"Bella, we'll try this plan but if I find any harm coming to you.....I'm putting a stop to it." Carlisle said as his eyes came back and landed on her.

Bella had no intentions of letting him stop so she lied. "Fine." She kept her composure. If ever in her life she needed the capability to lie it was now. Carlisle missed the falter of her heart as she lied to his face. Or did he believe it was just her injuries causing the misbeaten sounds? Bella would never know for sure but he believed her.

The three vampires transported Bella into another room. With the severities of Bella's injuries it took some time. Even with a vampire's strength and grace Bella still screamed through the pain of the transfer even being partially paralyzed. Her eyes fell on Edward.

Bella looked in disbelief at the man of her dreams. Edward's face was sunk in almost exposing the bones under the skin. Any human would already be dead. Bella cried openly at the sight of him. His skin was pink but had a translucent glow to it. Even with his eyes closed, she could tell there was no life in them. He looked peaceful but haunted at the same time.

Carlisle took Bella's arm and began to run an IV. Bella felt none of it as she continued to stare at Edward, whom she was now laying beside. She rested her hand on his and felt the human warmth coming from him.

Because Edward was in a coma, he would never be able to feed so Carlisle did the only thing possible. He ran a feeding tube into Edward's mouth past his incredibly pale lips. Once Edward was ready, Carlisle had Alice sit beside Edward to watch for any signs of distress.

Carlisle came back around the bed and hooked up the feeding tube to the new IV he had placed in Bella. Now having two IVs, one in each arm, Bella was ready for the trial run of how much her body could endure.

"Bella, you have to stay with us. We need to know that you are okay. If you feel anything you need to tell me. I can't do this without you being honest. Please?" Carlisle begged her.

"I will. Save him, Carlisle. Please!!" Bella pleaded quietly and turned her head, feeling the pain rip through her neck, and looked at Edward. "This is for you. I love you."

Carlisle opened both IVs and allowed Bella's blood to flow from one while the other pumped blood stolen from the hospital into Bella. Bella felt at peace knowing that she was doing everything possible to save the one person she had left in this world.

The transfer was about halfway done before Bella started to feel a strange sensation beating in her veins. She forced her body to relax and saw a shadow pass over her eyes. She could hear a sound being directed at her but she couldn't make sense of where or who it was. Bella felt the cold winding its way through her body and then suddenly the pain shot through her causing her into unconsciousness. A scourging evil sense of hell pouring into her veins.


	18. FIND A WAY

**FIND A WAY**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I will try to return them unharmed.**

**Check out the poll. It will be up for one week (March 22, 2009). Results will be posted at that time as a Epilogue.**

**Thank you to Katzenpfote (FF4E), Soccer11, JMarie and TheLadyKT for their reviews from the beginning. **

**Katzenpfote is a wonderful friend and I will luv her forever. Please go read her awesome story and review it often.**

The transfer was about halfway done before Bella started to feel a strange sensation beating in her veins. She forced her body to relax and saw a shadow pass over her eyes. She could hear a sound being directed at her but she couldn't make sense of where or who it was. Bella felt the cold winding its way through her body and then suddenly the pain shot through her causing her into unconsciousness. A scourging evil sense of hell pouring into her veins.

Two years later

Bella raced through the woods. With everything in simple clarity, she could step around the trees without breaking a stride. She was still impressed by the ability to run without needing rest. Everything around her was crisp. The leaves on the trees, the ferns around her ankles, the roots sticking out of the ground. As she broke through the edge of the trees, the blades of grass seemed to quiver at her very approach.

Bella eyed the house. Every tiny imperfection was visible. Defined. All the colors stood out vividly raised slightly from the wood that made the house what it was. Bella looked towards the door at the front of the house and saw the beautiful face of the man she loved.

Bella thought back briefly to the day her transformation began. She had given enough of her blood to safe his life but at a cost. She hadn't able to handle the transfusion and whether Carlisle wanted to admit it or not he had been left with no other choice. He had bitten her, multiple times trying to get as much venom into her body as he could. He didn't know at the time if Edward had received enough of her blood to survive.

In reality, he had. There, of course, had been a flaw to the plan. One flaw that no one had been able to predict. There had only been, to that point, one survivor of the vampire curse. With that survivor having disappeared from the world, there was no information on what had happened to him or to Edward.

Bella slowed to a walk and stopped in front of her husband. She looked deep into his eyes. They were the beautiful amber gold she had grown to love. She knew he wanted to know just from the look on his face. "Yes, the hunt was good. I feel so much more control now."

"That's good. I'm glad you are getting past the newborn stage more quickly than others." Edward's voice resounded.

Bella fell into his arms, breathing in his earthy, woodsy smell. She pulled herself up and gently placed her lips against his. She focused on controlling her temptation and suddenly found herself holding her breath. She finally understood after all these years what had tempted him.

She had been his singer. She had once had the sweetest blood that could very easily bring the monster out in him. Now the tables had turned in a strange twist of fate.

Anyone who managed to find the cure for the vampire's disease found the cure came at a price. The pale skin, the gold or red eyes, depending on the type of vampire, and the beauty were all that remained of Edward's existence as a vampire. Everything else, his smell, his heartbeat, his pulse of the blood running under his skin screamed human.

This was the price they had to pay to be together. This was their fate. This was one of nature's cruel jokes. Once she had been the singer and he, the frightful creature and now everything had come around so they now stood on the opposite side of the fence.

Life would find a way to keep them together yet separate. They loved each other and that to them was all that matter.

_**THE SEQUEL TO THIS STORY IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR VIEWING. ANY LOOSE ENDS AND UNKNOWNS WILL BE TALKED ABOUT AND RESOLVED IN **_

"_**TWIST OF FATE"**_


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